Discuss both views and give your opinion. Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
children
’s obesity is a
problem
, which is solved by reducing
adverts
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
junk and unhealthy
food
in schools and colleges. It is true that
children
’s health is
eesential
Correct your spelling
essential
, especially
niw
Correct your spelling
now
new
, in the world, where fast
food
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
part of people’s
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
This
problem
is vital and it is important to talk about
this
topic.
Children
are
life
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
their parents, so adults have to realise that they are a role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
for their
children
. If seniors bought or ate junk or sweet
food
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis, it is obvious, that
miniors
Correct your spelling
minors
would copy them,
thus
adverts
in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
and colleges help
this
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
children
could copy their peers,
following
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
adverts
are not play
Change the verb form
are not played
are not playing
show examples
the main role in
this
problem
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
some of the
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
would
start
Add the particle
start to
show examples
ask and crave
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
because of
addvertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisement
in school. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
adds
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
nutrision
Correct your spelling
nutrition
. But since schools or colleges are not providing any type of fast
food
if
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is good. Despite, there is a
problem
with
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
: colorful pictures make people’s mind
wants
Add the particle
wants to
show examples
eat
this
food
,
especiall
Correct your spelling
especially
when it is a child.
To sum up
,
adverts
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
are dangerous for health, because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
influence. People who
placed
Verb problem
play
show examples
a main role in school or college must manage and control the amount of adverst and do not
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
to provide fast
food
or any unhealthy snacks in their cafeterias. A
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
number of
Correct your spelling
advertisements
addvertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
can not change people’s
nutrision
Correct your spelling
nutrition
in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
bad way
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be discernible and flow naturally from one to the other.
coherence cohesion
Be consistent with your argument throughout the essay. Avoid presenting contradictory points unless it is to showcase both sides of an argument before concluding with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with appropriate examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure you address the prompt directly and clearly. State your opinion and extend your response to cover all aspects of the question.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas. This improves the overall readability and effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Examples should support the points you are trying to make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • vulnerability
  • unethical
  • well-being
  • commercial gain
  • cafeteria options
  • nutritional programs
  • fast food advertisements
  • health impacts
  • influence
  • educational environment
  • promote healthier eating habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: