IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries small shops and town centers are going out of business, because people tend to drive to the large out-of-town stores. This results in an increase in car use, and it also means that people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores. Do you think advantages of such development outweigh its disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era,
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 are extremely affected by trends
due to
Linking Words
 which they usually visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
huge malls located in big
cities
Use synonyms
 and the business of small sellers is getting ruined.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads to high use of transport system but people with no personal vehicles have limited reach to
metropolitian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 areas. Well,
according to
Linking Words
 me
this
Linking Words
 is not a positive development and there are more negative effects of
this
Linking Words
 scenario than positive
on
Correct pronoun usage
ones on
show examples
 the community. The reasons behind my opinion will be explained in upcoming paragraphs. There are various cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation and the most prominent one is that
this
Linking Words
 case is increasing traffic on the roads
due to
Linking Words
 which the rate of air pollution is increasing from 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the countries like India.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 traffic rate is leading to
further
Linking Words
 health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 the delay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 arrival
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their work locations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as people are visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
big
cities
Use synonyms
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 goods
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
small sellers need to shut down their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
, not only
community
Add a missing verb
do community
show examples
 members without
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 vehicles face problems to some point as they do not have full access to
cities
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the old person of society are suffering to high extent because they do not have access to big towns. Needless, to say all these demerits stand in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good stead. On the flip side, in the big areas items are available a cheaper rates
due to
Linking Words
 high levels of competition in the market.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
very good discount coupons are available on clothes in Eton Centre, Toronto, in comparison to Tanger
Outlits
Correct your spelling
Outlets
, Cookstown.
Along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, more variety of clothes are found in Toronto mall than in Cookstown.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is apparent why many individuals are in favour
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 trend.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the reasons aforementioned above one can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a logical conclusion that drawbacks of shopping from metro
cities
Use synonyms
 are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, its potential drawbacks can not be overlooked either.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure requires significant improvement. The arguments are not clearly sequenced, and paragraphing is inadequate. To address this, each main point should be discussed in a separate paragraph with clear topic sentences. Transitions and cohesive devices should be used to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they do not effectively frame the essay. The introduction should be expanded to include a clear thesis statement that outlines the points to be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the points made and restate the writer's position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Main points are identifiable but are not consistently supported by specific examples or explanations. To improve, ensure that each main point is developed with clear reasoning and evidence. Utilize examples that are directly relevant to the argument to strengthen it.
task achievement
Your essay reflects an attempt to respond to the task; however, it does not do so completely. Ensure that you address both sides of the issue and make your own position clear. Your arguments should be explicitly related to the question, discussing the advantages and disadvantages in balanced measure.
task achievement
The ideas and arguments presented are unclear and not entirely comprehensive. Work on clearly articulating your points and ensuring that they contribute to the overall argument. Aim for clarity and precision in your language to make your ideas comprehensible and compelling.
task achievement
Examples used are not always relevant or specific enough to the argument. For improvement, choose examples that are directly related to the topic and discuss them in detail, showing how they support your points. This will enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: