IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

People who live in busy cities are in many ways at a disadvantage to those who live in rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #areas
society who are living in crowded towns have more cons compared to those who live in the
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
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. First of all, I need to say that I disagree with
this
 statement even though there are some facilities which
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 in the city will not have . Regarding the disadvantages of life in the town, most of the population live in
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
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 so their life is not as healthy as families who live in nature.
For instance
,
food
 is something which has better quality in villages in comparison with the city.
Also
 when
people
 wake up in the morning they can take fresh dairy from the original source which is cows or sheep without having any extra ingredients which companies add to the
food
product
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products
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 in the towns to be able to keep them for a longer period.
On the other hand
,
people
 in the
cities
 do not consume fresh air
due to
 the fact that there are a wide range of cars, trucks or even some petrol companies in their area but
people
 in villages have
this
 benefit.
Also
,
people
 in the
cities
 have to work a lot and most of them
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not burn enough
callory
Correct your spelling
calorie
gallery
 during the day which can have a terrible effect on their health. In regard to children,
people
 who have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
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 between 8 to 12 cannot go out to play games like soccer and most of them get addicted to their phones or electronic devices which can cause a wide range of problems in
their
Change the word
the
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 future. On the other side of the coin,
people
 in
cities
 have to deal with traffic and they spend most of their time on transportation. Regarding the advantages of living in the
cities
,
People
 in large
cities
 may have access to clean water and it is less likely to get any sicknesses from
food
.
Although
people
 outside the
cities
 can have better quality and fresh
food
 they probably get
food
 poisoning when they consume some things like fish.
Overall
, living in the
cities
 has its own bright and dark side but I think
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end the pros of living in the villages are more than living in the
cities
.
Submitted by parsahassani077 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay somewhat maintains a basic logical structure but lacks clear paragraphing, which disrupts the flow of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally represent one main idea to aid coherence.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they are somewhat undeveloped. The introduction should clearly state your position, and the conclusion should summarise the main points presented while reiterating your stance.
coherence cohesion
Some of the main points are supported by examples or explanations, but these could be further developed for clarity and to enhance the argument.
task achievement
The prompt's task is somewhat addressed, yet the essay fails to fully explore the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement, lacking a consistent argument throughout.
task achievement
The ideas would benefit from being more thoroughly developed and expanded upon to provide a clearer and more compelling argument.
task achievement
The examples used are pertinent but fairly basic and generalised. More specific and varied examples would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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