IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

23.Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn the children into good citizens and workers rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
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Determining the goal of
schools
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 is always an
interested
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interesting
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 issue. Numerous
people
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 assume that the main purpose of
schools
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 is to turn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children into good citizens and
workers
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.
However
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, in my opinion, the major target of studying in
schools
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 is to benefit learners as individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss both of these aspects. On the one hand,
set
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a set
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 of
people
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 believe that
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 in
schools
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 can help
people
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 accelerate their knowledge and relevant skills
such
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 as teamwork, social
relationship
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relationships
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, or decision-making.
Hence
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, these sources
are
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apply
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strongly
supporting to
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support
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 their career.
In addition
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, theories in the classes are fundamental lectures which often include basic principles or regulations.
Accordingly
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, by observing
these information
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this information
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, a
person
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 can gain
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good citizen certificate.
Consequently
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,
people
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 can easily become good residents or excellent
workers
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.
On the other hand
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, and in my point of view,
a
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apply
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good residents or excellent
workers
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 only the grounds to benefit a
person
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 as
individual
Add an article
an individual
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 because a
person
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 can only receive the benefits when they can understand them.
For example
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, learning in school can help
people
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 proactive
their
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in their
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finance
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financial
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plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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.
Therefore
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, they can decide what they want to do or to obtain.
Thus
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, regulations are only support tools in the development progress of
the
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apply
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society.
Consequently
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, each
person
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is knowing
Wrong verb form
knows
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 what decisions made them better. In conclusion, turning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children into good citizens and
workers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 only a number of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of learning in
schools
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. The main purpose of
schools
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 is to benefit students as individuals.
Submitted by huong.bx on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction contains a clear thesis statement that sets up the structure of your essay and directly addresses the prompt.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding your ideas with clear, relevant examples to support your arguments and to directly address the essay topic.
Task Achievement
Avoid grammatical errors and typos, as these can hinder the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to logically connect ideas and paragraphs. It is important to guide the reader through your arguments coherently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a conclusive sentence to help maintain a structured flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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