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Band 3.5

Some people buy their children a large number of toys to play with.what are the advantages and disadvantages of having large number of toys.

#people #children #toys
Nowadays, some
parents
 buy their
children
 lots of
toys
 to play with
This
 essay will discuss what advantages and disadvantages of
this
 In my opinion
this
 is not true
that is
 because
this
 situation can impact
children
's behavior Every
parents
 want to bring up their
children
 in the good condition
such
 as: modern house or high-class schools,with a lot of
toys
 and enough money So they are try to buy everything the
children
 want like
toys
 There are many drawbacks of
this
 situation
Firstly
 it make
children
 stubborn,jealous and arrogant
Then
 buying many
toys
 demanding a lot of money It can be give birth to financially difficulties for
parents
 On other hand every
children
 want to be own their
toys
 In my opinion if people did not play with
toys
 in their childhood theywill be less creativity
To sum up
parents
 have to buy enough
toys
 for their
children
 but not much and they have to purchase useful
toys
 for instant : legos or puzzles The
toys
 can improve
children
's mental activities and their creativities
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize the main points. Consider using more traditional structures for essays, such as having a distinct introduction with a thesis statement and a conclusion that restates the main points and provides a final thought.
logical structure
Your ideas need to be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a central topic. Use transitional phrases to help the reader understand the flow of your thoughts from one paragraph to the next. Maintain consistency in your tenses and viewpoints throughout the essay.
supported main points
Develop your points further by using concrete examples and explanations. Your arguments would be stronger if you used specific, detailed examples instead of general statements.
complete response
You need to directly address the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. Your response leans heavily towards the disadvantages, making it seem incomplete. Make sure to elaborate on both sides equally and provide clear examples for each.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity by organizing your ideas logically. Use proper essay format, including an introduction, body paragraphs (each with a single clear idea), and a conclusion. Additionally, make sure your ideas are comprehensive and easy to understand.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of toys. Examples help to illustrate your points and make them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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