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Band 4

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
In recent times, the majority of
people
 define the success as a richness.
this
 essay will state that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 not true to consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success as a person's salary or wealth
however
 it is mainly related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a person's skills.
To begin
 with,
although
 the majority believes that if they become
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
, they will have enough money,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 ponder that their desires cannot become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
due to
 their education level and abilities. The society
encounter
Change the verb form
encounters
show examples
 many businessmen who are not well-educated and professional but generate their revenue through the money-laundering.
To give
Verb problem
For
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance,
Polat
Correct article usage
the Polat
show examples
 family who is famous in Turkey lost all their wealth in a day because all their entities were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shell companies. So,
people
 supposed that Polats were thriving and knew the ways of making a profit but the reality was different.
On the other hand
, the
scients
Correct your spelling
science
 and educated business persons of all the time state that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
true attainment depends on
people
's skills. The employees can move up the ladder
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 demonstrating their best in the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
.
Additionally
, a
talanted
Correct your spelling
talented
 investor can take risks,
then
 manage the situation even
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose money in order to be well-known in the world.
For instance
, Acun Ilicali, a former TV
representer
Correct your spelling
presenter
show examples
 in Turkey, left his job at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
SHOW TV
for opening
Change preposition
to open
show examples
 his own company. Now Acun Ilicali is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the
billioners
Correct your spelling
billionaires
billions
 in Turkey, he did it because he believed
his
Change preposition
in his
show examples
 management
as well as
leadership
Add an article
a leadership
show examples
 skill.
To sum up
, the public debates that the humans'
affuluance
Correct your spelling
affluence
 is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 indicator of their achievement. I would argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 case, the crucial one is to be
experienced
Correct article usage
an experienced
show examples
 and qualified person
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, and
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
 are real
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
Submitted by babayeva.ilayda on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction accurately paraphrases the question prompt and clearly outlines your essay's structure. The presence of an introduction and conclusion is essential, along with re-stating your thesis in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the essay follows a logical structure. Use topic sentences to begin paragraphs and cohesive devices to connect your ideas.
supported main points
Develop each of your main points with explanations and examples. Support your arguments with relevant details to give them more weight and to demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
complete response
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. Include a clear opinion and support it with relevant examples. Ensure that the ideas and arguments you present comprehensively cover the essay topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity in your writing. Develop your points in an organized manner and ensure that your ideas are understood by the reader. Avoid repetition and be concise.
relevant specific examples
Use specific and relevant examples to back up your points. This will add depth to your essay and show that you have a range of knowledge related to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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