IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people encourage young children to leave their parents’ house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parents’ house as long as possible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #parents’ #house #adults
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 adolescents
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
leave the house
that is
Linking Words
 owned by their
parents
Use synonyms
 as soon as they turn into
adults
Use synonyms
, but some others think that they should stay there for a long time. Teenagers should leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 as soon as they can in order to
be learn
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 how to survive on their own. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that early
adults
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they should spend more time with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 get older they can’t take care of their self or loneliness will take over them. They need some company to talk to and going to nursery
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 would feel like shame,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
show examples
 their child should be there for them.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 get sick because of it.
This
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 science loneliness is
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 cause of sickness for elderly
people
Use synonyms
. Some others argue that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 should move out of the house as soon as they turn adult. To be able to learn how to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems and not to always rely on
parents
Use synonyms
. By
meaning
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 that
adults
Use synonyms
 usually rely on their
parents
Use synonyms
 for some problems like money,
law
Correct word choice
and law
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is usually caused by not experiencing hardship in their life. Another cause for
adults
Use synonyms
 to
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 to start their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 be able to do things they want to do
Large
Change the article
A large
The large
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 recommend that teenagers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
move out as they turn
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, at the same others advise them to stay with their
parents
Use synonyms
 as long as they can. From my part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 adolescents should move out to be able to know
meaning
Add an article
the meaning
show examples
 of living and what they going
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
show examples
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 in the future.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity and precision in expressing ideas. Avoid using repetitive phrases and ensure each paragraph presents a clear, unique point.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay by organizing ideas into a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that links to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop arguments with well-supported points. Use relevant, specific examples to illustrate claims, and ensure they directly relate to the questions posed.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, respond to all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Provide a balanced discussion of both views and a clear, reasoned opinion.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensibility of ideas. Present them systematically, ensuring each point is fully expounded upon before moving to the next.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and explanation to substantiate the claims made. Ensure examples are directly relevant to your points and the overall topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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