IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #money #railway #roads
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It is true that
Use synonyms
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 is
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 more convenient and comfortable
medium
Use synonyms
 of transport.
Although
Linking Words
 it can be argued that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
roads
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 system. I believe that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
railway
Add an article
the railway
show examples
 is an essential thing. There are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
roads
Use synonyms
 are thought to
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
good
medium
Use synonyms
 of
transportation
Use synonyms
. Because on
road
Use synonyms
, Bus,
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
,
truck
Fix the agreement mistake
trucks
show examples
, private
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 can easily run on the
road
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer using their own vehicles.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is an
easy going
Correct your spelling
easygoing
show examples
medium
Use synonyms
 of
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
roads
Use synonyms
 are now elevated and
widen
Wrong verb form
widened
show examples
 for rapid use of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. Some bus
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
 launched luxurious facilities on it. Not only
Add a missing verb
does that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 constructs flyover and expressway but
also
Linking Words
 gives amazing facilities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
roads
Use synonyms
. Despite the above statements, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
Railway
Correct article usage
the Railway
show examples
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is growing rapidly. For
this
Linking Words
 vast
population
Add a comma
population,
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should think for their easy mode of
transportation
Use synonyms
. If
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 spends
money
Use synonyms
 on constructing new
railway
Use synonyms
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
 in busy
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 or industrial
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, the
people
Use synonyms
 will reach their destination within a very short time. As
train
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
 can load huge
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
, it does not create a crowd for getting into it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
railway
Add an article
the railway
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 convenient and
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any vehicles which run on the
road
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it can be seen that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
 is not a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 in
short
Add an article
the short
show examples
 term. But if we think about
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
railway
Add an article
the railway
show examples
 is
excellent
Change the article
an excellent
show examples
 idea for the general
people
Use synonyms
 as it is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
railway
Use synonyms
 construction for the betterment of
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 by giving
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
 and comfortable
medium
Use synonyms
 of
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ashiqbillah99 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has issues with logical structure, with some ideas appearing disjointed and not flowing naturally from one to another. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively articulated to encapsulate the argument and summarise findings.
coherence cohesion
Main points are stated but they lack depth and adequate support through the use of examples or explanations. More thorough development of ideas would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but there is a lack of balance in the discussion. More emphasis should be placed on supporting opinions with clear, specific examples.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant but not comprehensively explained, leaving the response somewhat underdeveloped. The essay would benefit from clearer argumentation and finer elaboration of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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