IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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In the contemporary epoch, numerous nations aim at economic development as their priority rather than other aspects.
This
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 essay outlines the benefits along disadvantages of
this
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 problem. The phenomenon would bring some merits.
Firstly
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, governments' revenues will increase dramatically, which means they have more abilities to focus on more industries,
such
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 as education, technology and the military.
Additionally
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,
along with
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 the rise of the nation's revenues,
people
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's disposable incomes will increase as well. Citizens will
have
Verb problem
be
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 more willing to purchase which means consumption can be stimulated during the process.
Therefore
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,
people
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's living standards will be higher and the nations will benefit from it.
However
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, there are still some demerits as well. To be specific, if governments only target economic growth, many other issues would be neglected,
for example
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, healthcare and poverty, which used to be huge burdens for the government, their situations in the future will be tougher.
Moreover
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, economic growth usually does harm to the environment, which will be bad for
people
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's health and cause numerous diseases. In conclusion, when weighing the pros and cons, putting economic growth as a priority can bring benefits to income increase which is not only for governments but
also
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 for
people
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,
nevertheless
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, the harm to some issues and the environment will not be negligible.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure but lacks a clear and effective progression of ideas. Consider making your paragraphs flow more naturally into one another and ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Use a variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between your points.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of governments prioritising economic growth, which is good. However, you could improve by clearly paraphrasing the question in the introduction. Avoid generalizations and ensure your conclusion summarizes both sides of the argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
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