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Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #projects #wildlife
Some people believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 overspend their
budget
 on projects to preserve
wildlife
,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others argue that there are more important
problems
 to be focused on. I support the notion that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should not spend too much money to protect nature
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 it still has
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
. On the one hand,
although
 preserving
wildlife
 has some
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
such
 as protecting natural resources and keep balancing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wildlife
, basic
nessecities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 still become a root cause in so many countries these days. Healthcare and education in Indonesia,
for example
, are the
two-most
Correct your spelling
two most
show examples
 problematic sectors for so long. Even national authorities had been delegating the task to the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
show examples
 equal distribution, but they are still dealing with the two until today.
On the other hand
, overspending
budget
 on
wildlife
 project cause less
focused
Replace the word
focus
show examples
 on other
problems
such
 as lack of allocation to those. There has to be
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 amount of proportion so that they can allocate and spend appropriately.
For instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must extrapolate the impact on
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 that they spend over the years ahead and align it with the national targets, so that they can shift to more important
problems
as well as
 reduce the
budget
 spending on
wildlife
. In conclusion, overspending
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 on
wildlife
overlook
Change the verb form
overlooks
show examples
 other
problems
 that are more important. As a suggestion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must have proper allocation
besides
wildlife
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
, and extrapolate the impact produced on
budget
Add an article
the budget
a budget
show examples
 they spend years ahead.
Submitted by pedrothedawn on

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement specifically stating your agreement or disagreement with the topic. Expand your conclusion to reinforce your arguments and reiterate your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer logical sequence. Improve transitions between paragraphs for better readability, and aim for a logical escalation of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main point that relates back to the thesis.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. The examples should be detailed and directly relevant to your argument. Avoid general statements and strive to provide concrete evidence that reinforces your position on the issue.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • safeguard
  • natural habitats
  • foster
  • cultural of conservation
  • long-term ecological sustainability
  • economic benefits
  • significant source of revenue
  • investment
  • nation’s economic wealth
  • preservation of ecosystems
  • clean water and air
  • prioritization
  • multi-faceted government budgets
  • environmental protection
  • wildlife conservation
  • neglecting
  • detrimental effects
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