Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, there has a
pehnomen
that amount of children spend time on their smartphones almost all day. In Correct your spelling
phenomenon
personal
opinion, I think it Correct pronoun usage
my personal
defineatily
is Correct your spelling
definitely
negative
development Correct article usage
a negative
to
children, because the smartphone can'Change preposition
for
t
be a Use synonyms
reason
to avoid what you need to face.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, the key Linking Words
reason
is the Use synonyms
advanced
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
of
technology changed the active Change preposition
in
habit
of Fix the agreement mistake
habits
human-being
. On the one hand, apart from the Correct your spelling
human beings
advence
speed of technology has faster and faster Correct your spelling
advance
Linking Words
then
before, the average Replace the word
than
saleries
of Correct your spelling
salaries
household
has higher Add an article
the household
a household
Linking Words
then
higher in Correct your spelling
than
conterporery
at the same time. Correct your spelling
contemporary
Meanwhile
the Add a comma
Meanwhile,
high tech
products are cost down quickly, so most people can afford to buy the newest products, Add a hyphen
high-tech
cause
that Correct your spelling
because
wil
be strange if you don'Correct your spelling
will
t
have one. In more detail, there are more schools Use synonyms
are
using Correct pronoun usage
that are
smartphone
to connect children, it obviously become a life skill that you Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
mast
have.
Correct your spelling
must
Secondly
, the other Linking Words
reason
is the rise of social media. Use synonyms
For example
, there are only Linking Words
small
amount of people have a smartphone when I was Correct article usage
a small
studied
in secondary school in 2012, students didn'Wrong verb form
studying
t
Use synonyms
spent
too much time Change the verb form
spend
in
that because there has more Change preposition
on
attract
that Replace the word
attraction
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
physically
interact
with Replace the word
interactions
classmate
. Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
However
, when I went to high school in 2016 there were everyone using social media like Facebook and Instagram at school, because we can avoid the Linking Words
mistake
maybe appear in Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
the
Correct article usage
apply
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
conversation
, in which you can place the Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
messangs
and pretend you haven'Correct your spelling
messages
message
t
Use synonyms
Change the verb form
seen
see
.
In Correct pronoun usage
see them
consclon
, I think Correct your spelling
conscious
the
development is full of Correct article usage
apply
disadventags
, because Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
the
Change preposition
of the
reason
in advance of technology and Use synonyms
rise
of social media, it doesn'Correct article usage
the rise
t
mean you can always escape from Use synonyms
probiliy
happen mistakes in physical life.Correct your spelling
probability
probably
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coherence cohesion
Ensure correct spelling and grammar for clarity and coherence throughout the essay. Many spelling errors (e.g., 'phenomen', 'defineatily', 'advence', 'saleries', 'conterporery', 'physcial', 'messangs') and grammatical mistakes ('has faster', 'has higher then higher', 'that wil be strange') detract from the overall coherence and can confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer logical structure by using well-defined paragraphs, each with a clear main idea supported by relevant arguments and examples. Paragraphs in this essay are somewhat disorganized, with ideas jumping from one to another without clear progression.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly paraphrases the question and outlines the essay's stance, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion. This essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion sections, which hinders coherence.
task achievement
Adequately address all parts of the task with a complete response, ensuring that the reasons for the phenomenon and the personal view on positive or negative development are fully explored. This essay addresses the task only partially, with some unclear ideas and lack of development.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas that are well supported with arguments and examples. This essay presents some ideas but they are not always clear, comprehensive, or sufficiently developed.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support the main points. The examples in this essay are somewhat relevant but lack specificity and do not effectively support the main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.