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Band 2

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing hugh school and starting university studies. Discuss advantages and disadvantahes and give your opinion

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #disadvantahes
This
 essay attempts to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of one year after high
school
 graduation to have a
career
 or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 before being a scholar.
Although
 being in college right after graduation looks easier, there are more benefits to having a gap year for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 or having a trip.   On the one hand, the reason
being
Change preposition
for being
show examples
 in
school
 for most people is to prepare for a
career
 in the future. But only a few people are making careers with the same major as they learned at
school
.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 we
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
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 about the field of basic knowledge at
school
 but not
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 through
self-reliant
Replace the word
self-reliance
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 and the chance at industry.
Furthermore
, having a gap year could give
experience
Correct pronoun usage
us experience
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 comparing our capabilities and the industry. To illustrate, when we had a
career
 before we got into college, we could ensure the field of our interest in the university.
Consequently
, we must extra socialize to mingle with new high
school
 graduates in the same class.  
However
, being a scholar right after graduation will make someone have a shorter time because we could be
Add an article
a bachelor
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bachelor
Fix the agreement mistake
bachelors
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 in the little
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Submitted by assakrhn on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The current structure is difficult to follow, and there is no distinct conclusion reinforcing the main argument.
development
Develop your arguments further with more specific examples and explanations. Aim to have at least two main points per advantage and disadvantage with clear support.
vocabulary
Improve your lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and avoiding repetition of words and phrases.
grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy. There are several errors that need addressing, including issues with tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article use.
task response
Make sure to directly address the question prompt in your introduction and throughout your essay. It is important to remain on-topic and clearly state your opinion on the matter.
cohesion
Link your ideas more effectively by using a range of cohesive devices. This will help to improve the readability and flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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