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Band 4.5

What do you thing were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

#community
Years ago, most people lived in small areas where they knew each other. But recently, lots of citizens decided to settle in large cities where they literally connect with a few
proportion
Change to a plural noun
proportions
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 of their
neighbors
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neighbours
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. There are many advantages and disadvantages to living in
small
Correct article usage
a small
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communitiy
Correct your spelling
communities
community
. To start with, one of the most
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of living in
minuscule
Correct article usage
a minuscule
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 neighbourhood is that it can be more affordable than living in
large
Add an article
a large
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 city. In fact, housing costs, property taxes and other expenses are usually lower in rural areas.
Secondly
, I honestly believe that living in
outskirts
Correct article usage
the outskirts
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 can be more convenient. Commuting times are typically shorter in small towns, as there is less traffic and congestion.
Additionally
, many small communities have a strong sense of community, and people are often willing to help each other without hesitation. Ultimately, In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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light of its air pollution, it would be fresher
as well as
 healthier when you are outside of the town.
On the other hand
, settling outside of the town could
be contain
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contain
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 many struggles. In fact, we are
vididly
Correct your spelling
vividly
visibly
 able to see
that job opportunities
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that job opportunity
those job opportunities
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 are much less when you are in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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, especially in
high- paying
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high-paying
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 fields which is remarkably hard.
Moverover
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Moreover
, small communities may have fewer cultural and entertainment options than large cities. From my point of view, I would enjoy living
rural
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in rural
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 areas. It's not only because I have been living in a rural district of Hồ Chí Minh city for ages, but
also
as
Correct word choice
because
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 I love the vibe of a peaceful place that Củ Chỉ brings.
Furthermore
, I
am loved
Wrong verb form
love
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 being surrounded by relatives and people who are always happy to help me.
Submitted by ngovhngoc on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents ideas with a moderate degree of organization, but the structure could be enhanced by clearly separating the advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs. Additionally, linking words and transitions could be utilized more effectively for smoother progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
It is important to cover all parts of the task sufficiently. In this case, the essay should spend equal effort on discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community. Moreover, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both sides of the argument rather than focusing only on personal preference.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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