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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012.

The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012.
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The given table illustrates
production
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the production
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 of electricity by renewable sources in 4 periods in Trillion Watt Hours (TWH)
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority are host to
hydraulic
Correct your spelling
hydraulics
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 throughout the given time and all of them saved their position except geothermal which was overtaken by solar
at the end
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the bio-mass and wind had
the
Correct article usage
apply
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approximately similar
figure
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figures
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 In 2007, before wind
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
total
Change preposition
in total
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to have
Verb problem
apply
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in 2011 . whilst bio-mass showed 307.5. The others, geothermal and solar, had the lowest sum . 67.4 and 21 releavently. In the end, in 2012 both of them had added , first of them
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 70.4 .
although
Linking Words
 , the second one multiplied his number
for
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apply
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5 times reaching 104.5. As mentioned before . hydraulic makes up the largest sum in 2009 . Between 2009-2010 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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achieved 3514
by
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apply
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representing the biggest growth among renewable sources
In addition
Linking Words
 , the highest number was given by him ,obviously , in 2012 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 total
3653.4
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of 3653.4
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 and having more than
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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of
Change preposition
apply
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others

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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