IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools are no longer needed because students could find so much information on the Internet and study at home. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #students #information #internet #study #home
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Set
Correct article usage
A set
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 of people believe that
schools
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 are no longer needed because
students
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 find
numerous
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
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information
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 on the Internet.
However
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, in my opinion,
schools
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 are not irreplaceable by
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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others.
This
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 essay is going to clarify these perspectives.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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direct interaction in
schools
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 is always an important aspect. Offline
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 can help to improve the communication between
students
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 and teachers, developing the relationship with other
students
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.
For example
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, in
schools
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, people can interact with others based on a number of methods
such
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 as
eyes
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eye
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 contact, hand gestures, voices and other body
languages
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language
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.
Accordingly
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,
students
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 in offline
class
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classes
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 easily absorb
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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.
Secondly
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, teachers in
schools
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 are always trusted sources.
For instance
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,
bacholer
Correct your spelling
bachelor
cetificate
Correct your spelling
certificate
 is the minimum requirement for
teacher
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teachers
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 in primary
schools
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, and
college
Correct article usage
a college
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 certificate is a minimum requirement for
teacher
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teachers
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 in preschools.
Therefore
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, learners can solve their issues quickly by asking
this
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 reliable
source
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.
In addition
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, learners can
easy to
Replace the word
easily
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 follow the study path because of the professional sources in
schools
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. On the other
hands
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hand
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, some people assume that
schools
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 are no longer needed because of the diverse sources of
information
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 on the internet.
However
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,
this
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source
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 not always true because the
information
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 in
this
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 can be generated from anyone.
For example
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, blog posts often show personal views and the bloggers can be a master or not.
Hence
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, learners may
confuse
Wrong verb form
be confused
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 when
following
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this
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source
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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source
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 may not capture the full truth and it can not
irreplaceable
Add a missing verb
be irreplaceable
show examples
 the
schools
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. In conclusion, there are many exclusive benefits of learning in
schools
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such
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 as
reliable
Add an article
the reliable
a reliable
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 and trusted
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Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of
information
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,
Correct word choice
and improving
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Correct word choice
and improving
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improving
Wrong verb form
improved
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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communication. We should keep forward
this
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 type of learning to
our
Change the word
the
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 future.
Submitted by huong.bx on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and extend arguments with more specific examples.
task achievement
Work on the accuracy of spelling, grammar, and punctuation to enhance the clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Create a more logical flow by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the paragraph structure, ensuring clear topic sentences and a logical progression of ideas.
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