Many people believe that schools should teach students good behavior as well as other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is a
well known
fact that our schools play a vital role Add a hyphen
well-known
to shape
our Change preposition
in shaping
career
, but the question remains : do they carry Fix the agreement mistake
careers
additional
responsibility of fostering productive behavioral tendencies among students ? I completely agree with Add an article
the additional
this
statement and in this
essay
I will support my opinion with examples.
Students spend their considerable Add a comma
essay,
time
of the day in the
school so understandably Correct article usage
apply
parents
don't have time
to teach their children about good habit
. Take Fix the agreement mistake
habits
an
example of working Correct article usage
the
parents
. In addition
to their jobs, they also
spend significant time
in meal preparations, helping the young ones with schoolwork and running other errands. If schools did not teach social skills, we would not accomplish the goal of a civilized society.
Another factor why government institutes should teach is because a school's atmosphere is environmentally-optimized
to cultivate positive personality traits in learners. To illustrate, a student can not learn about the importance of collaborative effort, teamwork and discipline without engaging in group projects or Team sports. Correct your spelling
environmentally optimised
In other words
, the schools could immensely contribute in
Change preposition
to
developimg
these attributes if they encourage group sports and activities.
With that being said, Correct your spelling
developing
parents
role cannot be overlooked. To exemplify, by virtue of limiting the screen Change noun form
parents'
parent's
time
which
children spend Correct word choice
that
while
playing video games and chatting friends
, Change preposition
with friends
development
of Correct article usage
the development
an
addictive behaviour can be prevented.
In conclusion, Remove the article
apply
while
a school's environment is more conduive
to Correct your spelling
conducive
learn
collaboration, it is Wrong verb form
learning
also
a
responsibility of teachers to teach good regimen because Correct article usage
the
parents
do not have adequate time
after their work. However
, parents
should not take feet
off the pedal in order to augment their children's social skills and personality.Correct pronoun usage
their feet
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is commendable. However, the logical flow between paragraphs and points needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions to the next, with appropriate use of connective words and topic sentences.
task achievement
You addressed the topic quite well and provided a clear response to the task with a definitive opinion. However, your ideas could be better developed and more fully supported with a wider range of relevant examples. Aim for a more in-depth analysis of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.