IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives, Unfortunately, not many achive this balance. What are the problems of this? Suggest some solutions to solve the problems?

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As the pace of today's materialistic society moves on, a multitude of people fail to achieve
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. Several consequences may be listed about
this
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 phenomenon and devising a solution necessitates a concerted endeavour of everybody. The failure to maintain
Use synonyms
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
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 balance has resulted in some remarkable ramifications. One common point is the negative impacts it
puts
Verb problem
has
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 on our health. The proliferation of rampant materialism has driven many individuals to
work
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 perpetually in pursuit of catching up with our social development. Many of them choose to sacrifice their
time
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 for physical and recreational activities to
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 in the long term may lead to an increased level of stress and stress-related illness.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parenting will be affected significantly
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
-life imbalance. Many parents become apathetic and even forget their responsibilities to support their kids during their early upbringing owing to
work
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-related factors: high pressure and stress. Without adequate supervision from parents, many children are more inclined to go on the wrong track, which
pose
Change the verb form
poses
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a serious threats
Correct the article-noun agreement
a serious threat
serious threats
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 to kids and parents alike. It is undeniable that several actions should be
made
Verb problem
taken
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 to mitigate the problems. One viable way is that many individuals can choose which things they should prioritize to feel more relaxed and happy after nonstop working hours.
In other words
Linking Words
, when they come home from
work
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, they must learn to switch the office button off and allocate more
time
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 for recreational activities and exercises.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, building a smart schedule is essential for solving those causes.
In stead
Correct your spelling
Instead
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 of adhering to a messy timetable, they can learn how to arrange their
time
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 for which days they should focus more on their
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 will enable them to liberate more
time
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 for family, friends and colleagues. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 imbalance can lead to some harmful impacts on people's health and family, and some steps should be
Wrong verb form
taken
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take
Wrong verb form
taken
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 into account to mitigate those repercussions.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the entire essay maintains a logical sequence of ideas that clearly contributes to a coherent argument or narrative. Address any inconsistencies or gaps in logic that can detract from the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Include an introductory paragraph that sets the context for the essay, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis in a new way. Each should be clearly identifiable and contribute to the overall message of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with detailed and pertinent examples or evidence. Each body paragraph should revolve around a single main point with ample support to persuade or inform the reader.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt, providing a complete response to each question or statement.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully to ensure clarity and depth. Avoid vague or superficial treatment of the topic; strive for comprehensive exploration of the ideas presented in the essay.
task achievement
Integrate relevant, specific examples that effectively illustrate the arguments and enhance the response. Rely on concrete, illustrative details rather than abstract or generic statements.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • chronic stress
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • efficiency
  • strained relationships
  • quality time
  • job satisfaction
  • employee turnover
  • flexible working conditions
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