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Band 4

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foregin country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #reason #language #travel #work #foregin #country #someone
well in
this
 time and with the all update which is
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 in our era to give children the ability to have a
cell
phone
 with them, in
this
 generation it is very common to happen most of them stuck with these
picaes
Correct your spelling
pieces
 because it is very easy to use in
this
 passage
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will mention some of the advantages and desadventegs about giving our children
cell
phone
 in my opinion, the benefit behind
this
 is the ability to learn a lot of
things
 and different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 which is good for improving their knowledge
in addition
 to that they can make some connections with a new friend and discover a new
Change the capitalization
Hopi
show examples
hopi
Correct your spelling
hope
,
for example
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 they can learn how to draw or how to sing all of the
thies
Correct your spelling
these
things
 can do it with their
cell
phone
 but
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand the advantage is in my view ,
cell
 phones can be very dangerous for them they can use them in
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 ways
for example
 search for
things
 not allowing them to know about it
our
Correct your spelling
or
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took
Wrong verb form
taking
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 to strangers who can hurt them in
tough
Change the article
a tough
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 way the
cell
phone
 is a small
pice
Correct your spelling
piece
show examples
 bout what it can impact on our children is really enormous
last
 but not least technology is double- an edged sword my point is to give them
cell
 phones but with parental control and
educational
Correct article usage
an educational
show examples
 theme about the consequences form the wrong way of using
cell
 phones and give them trust let them know about that so later
this
 will make them feel like they are responsible about their false and it is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 method to let them discover
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new
things
 in the saim time we feel comfortable because we know every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 about them
Submitted by monm8097 on

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task achievement
Your essay fails to directly address the prompt, which was to discuss views on learning a foreign language. Instead, you discussed the impacts of children using cell phones. This indicates a significant misunderstanding of the question. It's critical to carefully read the prompt and construct your essay around the specific topic and task given.
coherence and cohesion
You should aim for a clear structure in your essay with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that address each point, and a conclusion that summarises your argument. This essay lacks clarity and logical progression of ideas. Work on planning the structure before starting to write.
task achievement
Providing relevant examples is important, but they must be directly linked to the essay question. As the given prompt was about learning a foreign language, examples should relate to this topic. Relevance and specificity are key components of supporting your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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