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Band 4

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What is your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You may continue your writing on the back page if you need more space

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home #page #space
Ever since its birth in the 80s, the
Internet
 has changed the way we study and consume information with its near limitless access to all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 one may wonder.
This
however
 has sparked a disbelief concerning
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the necessity of
school
 in that they can perform their education well at home with the aid of the
Internet
.
Although
 it would be unwise to reject the advance of the
Internet
, I wholeheartedly believe that
school
 is essential in one’s
knowledge - seeking
Correct your spelling
knowledge-seeking
show examples
 journey. First and foremost, it is important to have a clear direction when studying, and
school
 acts as the most accessible guide one may find when they first set on. The
Internet
 may act as a ginormous library, but the learner may get lost in there should they have no one to show them where to go and what to dig into. Teachers despite not being the wisest people,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
teach us the basic knowledge in view of guiding us
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to use said libraries to their full potential
while
 not getting lost too far Another problem surrounding the use of the
Internet
 in studying is that the risk of encountering misinformation can appear anytime once they run into a difficult problem. Without the guidance of the
school
 and educators as forerunners, those who have systematically sorted their studying in the most efficient way possible, one’s research can be seen as navigating a boat through the storm without the beacon’s
light’s
Change the noun form
lights
light
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. To reiterate, despite the undebatable technological advantage the
Internet
 can offer. The necessity of
school
 shouldn’t be omitted, not only because they are the guidance a student can trust, but
also
 because they have perfected their method
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 studying which can aid those who
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
 knowledge greatly
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion which summarizes your viewpoint effectively. An essay without a discernible introduction and conclusion may struggle to convey your argument coherently.
coherence cohesion
Your essay must have a logical flow of ideas. Although you have made some attempt at this, it needs to be much clearer. Use cohesive devices and arrange your arguments and examples systematically to improve the readability and organisation.
task achievement
Make sure the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you have presented some arguments about the necessity of schools, you must clarify your position with a more comprehensive response and include a balanced discussion if required by the question.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and detailed. It is not sufficient to only make claims; you must provide clear and comprehensive explanations, supported by specific examples. You should expand on your ideas to illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments throughout your essay. These examples make your points more persuasive and provide evidence of your claims. Avoid overgeneralisations and strive for detailed, relevant examples from real-life or credible sources.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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