IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future.Others feel it will still have some uses.Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#people #money #future
Undoubtedly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 society is divided into two distinct groups as per the different
minset
Correct your spelling
mindset
 of masses.
Therefore
, it has become a topic of discussion whether
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
dominence
Correct your spelling
dominance
 of digital
money
exchange
 will vanish the existence of paper
money
.
This
 essay will shed light on both perceptions and will mention my opinion in the conclusion. To commence with , as per the notion that electronic
money
 will replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
money
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is believed owing to the fact that with the advent of technology
Add a comma
,
show examples
the phenomenon of wealth
exchange
 has become faster and easier. In detail, in
this
 contemporary era , a hefty amount of
money
 is
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 to numerous people with one click on
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 application, and no time is wasted in
visting
Correct your spelling
visiting
 banks
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 deposits and
withdrawls
Correct your spelling
withdrawals
withdraws
. To cite an example, in many nations, multinational companies like Amazon pay their employees instantly on
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 day using easy electronic direct deposits, and workers receive their pay cheques
while
 sitting in their homes.
Thus
 , these features convince commoners to utilize the convenience of E-banking.
On the contrary
,
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 of using paper
money
 exists because various people have no knowledge and skill of using technical gadgets.
As a result
, they prefer using cash
money
 and consider it as a safe mode of
money
exchange
.
Moreover
, the
possiblity
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
 increases if the citizens have no knowledge about technology as by retrieving OTP codes from
gadgets
Correct article usage
the gadgets
show examples
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
money
 can be withdrawn.
For instance
, in India, many older citizens made
complains
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 regarding
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
,and articles were written on those incidents in newspapers because a hefty amount of wealth was missing from their accounts.
As a consequence
, awareness
campaignes
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 were
intiated
Correct your spelling
initiated
 by authorities for awareness of people.
Hence
, electronic
money
 transfer
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 considered unreliable by
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. To recapitulate, owing to the aforementioned factors it can be concluded that a
balnce
Correct your spelling
balance
 between these modes of
money
exchange
 is prominent to make the lives of residents easier.
Whilist
Correct your spelling
Whilst
, I personally opine that electronic
money
exchange
 is more convenient and with the passage of
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
 it will become
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
 as upcoming generations are mastering
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of technology.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion; both should be distinct and effectively frame the essay's main body.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and logical paragraphing with topic sentences that directly relate to the main points you are discussing.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with a mixture of complex structures and ideas, as well as a range of vocabulary. Avoid repetition and strive for precision in expression.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and ensure a complete response to the question, keeping a balanced and objective stance when discussing different views.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by expanding on points and by providing specific, relevant examples to support arguments.
task achievement
Work on clarity of expression to avoid ambiguity, and ensure that each paragraph contributes a clear idea to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!