IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people’s #lives #answers
The field of
science
 in the modern era is expanding significantly among
people
.
Moreover
, it can help individuals carry out their activities on a regular basis. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with
this
 statement, as technology enables
people
 to allocate their time more efficiently. First and foremost, the purpose of
science
 is to improve
people
’s lives on a daily basis. It is possible for individuals to engage in two activities simultaneously. In the modern era, there are many autonomous cars already appearing on roads. These technologies truly assist
people
 in navigating to their destination without having to drive a car.
Moreover
,
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, they can engage in other activities
such
 as eating or participating in online meetings.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new discoveries in
science
 can contribute to making
people
 healthier. The emerging technologies in home appliances,
such
 as the air fryer, are remarkable in preventing diseases like cholesterol. Currently, most
people
 already have these tools to protect their families from potential diseases that might appear in the future. In summary, there are numerous home appliances that can contribute to making
people
 healthier, showcasing how
science
 significantly improves
people
’s lives nowadays. In conclusion, there is ample evidence that scientific advancements positively impact
people
’s lives. One recent example is the development of autonomous cars, allowing individuals to reach their destination without driving.
Additionally
, advancements in home appliance technology can aid in preventing diseases in the future.
Submitted by haloalwan on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, it would benefit from a more nuanced argument that considers potential counterpoints or limitations of the stated position, to meet the requirement of addressing the full prompt in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a suitable introduction and conclusion. While you do use linking words, sometimes they are a bit mechanical. Aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices and discourse markers that more naturally indicate the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but to achieve a higher score, you need to develop these points with more detailed explanations and a wider range of supporting examples, including data or references, if possible. This development will show a greater depth of idea exploration.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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