IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In majority of universities learners focus on specific subjects, however some consider that universities must motivate learners to learn a great range of subjects. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this.

#majority #universities #learners #focus #subjects #consider #range
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High education is one of the most essential qualifications in our modern life as it facilitates a number of opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals. the question is: what is the best method to
sure
Correct your spelling
ensure
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 that the
students
 are receiving
the
Correct article usage
a
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 suitable education that aligns with their interests
?.
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?
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 In my opinion undergrads
they
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apply
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should have the opportunity to choose their majors and focus on
it
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them
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 which perfectly
align
Correct subject-verb agreement
aligns
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 with their passion and future career plans rather than learning
subjects
 they are
no
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not
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 interested in. Admittedly, there are always some
students
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
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 to add more information to their knowledge during college
time
 and they are comfortable with the idea of having various
subjects
.
In addition
 to that, some undergrads
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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still not
having
Wrong verb form
have
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clear
Add an article
a clear
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 vision about what they
wants
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want
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 to specify
on
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apply
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especially during the foundation year so they
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to expand their choices by trying to implement
to
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apply
show examples
general topics and they succeed in that as they
are considering
Wrong verb form
consider
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 it as an
eye-openingin
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eye-opening
experiences
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experience
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, others argue, and I believe that universities should build their
corriculums
Correct your spelling
curriculums
curriculum
 based on focusing
to
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on
show examples
 specific
subjects
 that are related to the
learners
Change to a genitive case
learner's
learners'
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 majors. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, they can implement a wide
rage
Correct your spelling
range
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 of
subjects
however
 they can make it
as
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apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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optional for those who may
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
.
Furthermore
, studying
in
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at
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 either undergraduate or postgraduate levels is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 suitable
time
 for
students
 to specify
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 atopic that
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
 interested
on
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in
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. Let's take medical schools as an example. Around 96 percent of their
subjects
 are related to medical topics and that can prepare them
to
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for
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 the job market.
However
, wasting
time
 and resources in educating unrelated topics will add more pressure on these learners and
in
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at
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 the same
time
 will cost the universities.
Furthermore
, indulging in
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of
subjects
 can distract those
students
as
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apply
show examples
a
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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in
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apply
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may
reflects
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reflect
show examples
 on their academic records or psychological status. Higher education is already demanding so if there
any
Add a missing verb
is any
show examples
 chance to reduce the stress on undergraduates,
motivation
Replace the word
motivating
show examples
 them to apply for more
subjects
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not the correct method.
Instead
 of that they can engage in multiple activities
such
 as book
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 or social activities.
To conclude
, I believe that the more the
students
 focus on their area and
sunject
Correct your spelling
subject
 of their
intersts
Correct your spelling
interests
, the better the outcome will be. People can expand their knowledge and awareness in the area they need by various
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
such
 as taking
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
 rather than studying it as a subject in
universties
Correct your spelling
universities
.
Submitted by do7a.89 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central idea and relates back to the main argument of the essay. Use topic sentences effectively and connect your paragraphs with appropriate transition words.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger thesis statement and ensure that it is clearly stated in the introduction. Ensure a more effective conclusion that reiterates your main points and thesis without introducing new information.
task achievement
Support your main points with more relevant and detailed examples. Avoid general statements, and illustrate your arguments with clear evidence or specific situations that demonstrate your point.
task achievement
To fully address the task, expand your discussion to cover the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement. Provide a balanced view if necessary, and make sure to directly answer the question.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and aim to express your ideas more concisely. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to reflect a command of the language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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