IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some would say that
parents
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 should teach their offspring how to be good
members
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 of
society
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,
while
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 others are of the opinion that
school
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 is the best in
this
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 regard.
This
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 essay agrees with the latter point and will show that, despite the practical
experiences
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 that
parents
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 give their
children
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,
school
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lessons
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 can give deep insights into what it takes to be good citizens. Some believe that
parents
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 can educate their
children
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 about being good
members
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 of
society
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 based on their life
experiences
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.
This
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 is because the life
experiences
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 that
parents
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 can give their
children
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 are straightforward, down-to-earth, and so they can easily apply what their
parents
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 teach them in reality.
For example
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, many
children
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 in Thailand become more polite, honest, and caring to everyone as a direct result of the practical
lessons
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 that their
parents
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 give them at home.
However
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, I believe that
parents
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 now are so busy and do not spend much time with their
children
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 teaching them.
Lessons
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 at
school
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 can provide
children
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 with valuable insights into being good
members
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 of
society
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. In class, students can receive
lessons
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 about
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
 traits of a truly good person that
society
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 needs, and
then
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 they put what they learn into practice by creating real-life problems and solving them together.
For instance
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, after receiving
lessons
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 in civic education at
school
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, many Vietnamese students are more willing to help their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 and even strangers, and they feel extremely happy after doing something good for others.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe that
school
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lessons
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 are more influential to young
children
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. In conclusion, despite the practical
experiences
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 that
parents
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 can give their
children
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 at home,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that
school
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lessons
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 can help students deepen their understanding of being good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you fully develop your supporting ideas. Rather than making general statements, delve deeper into explaining why and how schools or parents influence children's understanding of societal norms.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion to improve structure and readability.
task achievement
Remember to restate your opinion in the conclusion to leave a definitive end to your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the prompt in your response, elaborating on each aspect to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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