Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodworking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family.To that extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a debate over whether textbook-based education should be emphasized or whether schools should be attentive to some
life
skills
such
as cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking. I partly agree with
this
view and I will enumerate my
reasons
below.
To begin
with, there are a few
reasons
why academic tendency is most important. For one thing,
this
is the essence of education which is the proven curriculum that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
designed with the goal of fostering
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
students
.
Furthermore
, examinations are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
way to verify educational achievement. Normally, Math, Science, and Literature, which contain essential knowledge, can be taught by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers who have professional qualifications.
Therefore
, it is hard to learn
this
academic knowledge outside of
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In spite of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
mentioned above, I am of the opinion that there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
crucial factors,
such
as cooking, sewing, and woodworking, in school education
besides
academic success. One of the major
reasons
for
this
contention is that the parents’ prowess and ability are different since they have a variety of occupations.
For
this
reason, there could be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
gap between
students
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
learning those
life
skills
.
For example
, some
students
cannot learn woodworking as their parents cannot. Another reason commonly put forward is that not every student has
aptitude
Add an article
an aptitude
the aptitude
show examples
for academic success.
Thus
,
students
who have various
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
can be discovered, equipping them with a range of essential
life
skills
.
This
can be attained by
regualr
Correct your spelling
regular
and
systematically
Change the word
systematic
show examples
practices in schools. In a nutshell,
although
there are some
reasons
why studying should be
impacably
Correct your spelling
implacably
impeccably
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
, learning other indispensable
life
skills
also
should be involved in the regular curriculum.
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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents a partial agreement to the idea that schools should emphasize academic subjects. You have attempted to provide a balanced view; however, your response seems somewhat generic and needs more specific, detailed examples to fully satisfy the task requirement. Include a wider range of specific, relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is visible but could be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs. Vary sentence structures and aim for more complex constructions where appropriate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Holistic education
  • Well-rounded education
  • Practical life skills
  • Foster creativity
  • Problem-solving abilities
  • Socio-economic gaps
  • Stress relief
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Educational readiness
  • Career readiness
  • Job market
  • Versatile
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Cultural development
  • Personal growth
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