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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodworking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family.To that extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #school
There is a debate over whether textbook-based education should be emphasized or whether schools should be attentive to some
life
skills
such
 as cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking. I partly agree with
this
 view and I will enumerate my
reasons
 below.
To begin
 with, there are a few
reasons
 why academic tendency is most important. For one thing,
this
 is the essence of education which is the proven curriculum that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 designed with the goal of fostering
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
students
.
Furthermore
, examinations are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to verify educational achievement. Normally, Math, Science, and Literature, which contain essential knowledge, can be taught by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers who have professional qualifications.
Therefore
, it is hard to learn
this
 academic knowledge outside of
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In spite of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above, I am of the opinion that there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 crucial factors,
such
 as cooking, sewing, and woodworking, in school education
besides
 academic success. One of the major
reasons
 for
this
 contention is that the parents’ prowess and ability are different since they have a variety of occupations.
For
this
 reason, there could be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 gap between
students
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning those
life
skills
.
For example
, some
students
 cannot learn woodworking as their parents cannot. Another reason commonly put forward is that not every student has
aptitude
Add an article
an aptitude
the aptitude
show examples
 for academic success.
Thus
,
students
 who have various
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
 can be discovered, equipping them with a range of essential
life
skills
.
This
 can be attained by
regualr
Correct your spelling
regular
 and
systematically
Change the word
systematic
show examples
 practices in schools. In a nutshell,
although
 there are some
reasons
 why studying should be
impacably
Correct your spelling
implacably
impeccably
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
, learning other indispensable
life
skills
also
 should be involved in the regular curriculum.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents a partial agreement to the idea that schools should emphasize academic subjects. You have attempted to provide a balanced view; however, your response seems somewhat generic and needs more specific, detailed examples to fully satisfy the task requirement. Include a wider range of specific, relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is visible but could be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs. Vary sentence structures and aim for more complex constructions where appropriate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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