IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with.

#people #places #visit #food
Some individuals prefer exploring new
things
 in
life
while
 others may prefer experiencing what they are familiar with. In my opinion, I believe that there should be a balance between these two attributes to enjoy
life
.
To begin
 with, adventurous personalities are spontaneously attracted to experiencing new
things
 in
life
such
 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to new cities and trying different cuisines.
Thus
,
this
 gives them the opportunity to learn and explore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other cultures and lifestyles. To illustrate,
last
 year when I visited Japan, I learned many aspects including the country’s history, culture, language, and food.
This
 helped to realize the differences between my culture and the Japanese culture. Ultimately, it aided
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 my knowledge about something different than what I already know.
Therefore
, trying new
things
 could aid someone to improve their knowledge
while
 adding new
life
 experiences.
On the other hand
, others may look at sticking to what they already know.
This
 may be mainly
due to
 safety concerns.
In other words
, there could be a danger
going
Change preposition
of going
show examples
 to an unfamiliar place or trying new food which could become allergic. A prime example is when a local newspaper reported that a group of tourists were lost
while
 hiking in Sri Lanka. They had to survive for five days without food until authorities found them.
Hence
,
this
 could be
such
 a situation where some people may be inclined to do familiar
things
. In my opinion, I believe that people ought to balance these attitudes as being more adventurous or repeating the same
things
 could be boring after some time. In conclusion,
while
 some people are inclined to try new
things
, others may prefer to keep doing the
things
 they are familiar with. I strongly believe that there should be a balance between these two attitudes.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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task achievement
For a higher score in task response, ensure that your essay not only addresses the topic fully but also articulates a more nuanced argument or analysis. Consider deepening your exploration of why people might prefer either new experiences or familiar ones, potentially including psychological insights or broader societal implications.
coherence and cohesion
Increase the variety of conjunctions and transitional phrases used to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. While the examples you provided are appropriate, adding more could further illustrate your points and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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