PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
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Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
share their individual data online for day-to-day activities Use synonyms
such
as communicating or managing banking transactions. Linking Words
This
novelty, like all things in the world, has its own pros and cons, Linking Words
such
as the simplification of our lives, Linking Words
as well as
the possibility of data theft. Linking Words
This
essay examines both perspectives and presents my opinion on whether Linking Words
this
development is ultimately beneficial.
One of the main reasons why Linking Words
this
development can be seen as positive is the above-mentioned process of making our lives more simple. At the beginning of the century, there was no place for personal Linking Words
information
in messengers and dating apps, which made communication quite constrained, since Use synonyms
people
were often disappointed in the appearance or material condition of their interlocutor when they met them in life. Use synonyms
However
, in the present day, Linking Words
people
do not face Use synonyms
this
problem anymore, since every desired Linking Words
information
is indicated in the user profile. Use synonyms
For instance
, mail.ru has evolved from being a platform for 'just messaging' to one that Linking Words
also
includes 'communication and socializing'.
Another good reason is related Linking Words
with
banking purposesChange preposition
to
,
since putting personal Remove the comma
apply
information
allows individuals to make purchases and manage their bank account without a need to carry out lots of inconvenient bills and papers. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
implementation does not only lead to Linking Words
a
positive consequences, as there are lots of scammers in today's digital age. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Although
sharing Linking Words
information
about you has its own benefits, Use synonyms
this
very disadvantage can lead to disastrous results, Linking Words
such
as processing loans without your participation by thieves.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
there is no doubt that an increasing number of Linking Words
people
share personal data online and it can outcome in setbacks, I am a firm believer that it is a positive development and it just needs a little improvement.Use synonyms
Submitted by shermadovs on
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task response
To enhance task response, address counterarguments or opposing views as well. While you mentioned potential disadvantages, providing a bit more depth here and addressing them with a balanced view could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words and phrases to connect your points seamlessly across paragraphs. This will ensure an even smoother flow of ideas.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the main idea of the essay, effectively setting up the reader's expectations.
logical structure
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of sharing personal information online.
relevant examples
Examples like the evolution of mail.ru add relevance and specificity to your argument, supporting your points well.