PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, an increasing number of

people

Use synonyms

share their individual data online for day-to-day activities

such

Linking Words

as communicating or managing banking transactions.

This

Linking Words

novelty, like all things in the world, has its own pros and cons,

such

Linking Words

as the simplification of our lives,

as well as

Linking Words

the possibility of data theft.

This

Linking Words

essay examines both perspectives and presents my opinion on whether

this

Linking Words

development is ultimately beneficial. One of the main reasons why

this

Linking Words

development can be seen as positive is the above-mentioned process of making our lives more simple. At the beginning of the century, there was no place for personal

information

Use synonyms

in messengers and dating apps, which made communication quite constrained, since

people

Use synonyms

were often disappointed in the appearance or material condition of their interlocutor when they met them in life.

However

Linking Words

, in the present day,

people

Use synonyms

do not face

this

Linking Words

problem anymore, since every desired

information

Use synonyms

is indicated in the user profile.

For instance

Linking Words

, mail.ru has evolved from being a platform for 'just messaging' to one that

also

Linking Words

includes 'communication and socializing'. Another good reason is related

with

Change preposition

show examples

banking purposes

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since putting personal

information

Use synonyms

allows individuals to make purchases and manage their bank account without a need to carry out lots of inconvenient bills and papers.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

implementation does not only lead to

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

positive consequences, as there are lots of scammers in today's digital age.

Although

Linking Words

sharing

information

Use synonyms

about you has its own benefits,

this

Linking Words

very disadvantage can lead to disastrous results,

such

Linking Words

as processing loans without your participation by thieves. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there is no doubt that an increasing number of

people

Use synonyms

share personal data online and it can outcome in setbacks, I am a firm believer that it is a positive development and it just needs a little improvement.

shermadovsSat Nov 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

To enhance task response, address counterarguments or opposing views as well. While you mentioned potential disadvantages, providing a bit more depth here and addressing them with a balanced view could strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

For better coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words and phrases to connect your points seamlessly across paragraphs. This will ensure an even smoother flow of ideas.

introduction

The introduction clearly outlines the main idea of the essay, effectively setting up the reader's expectations.

logical structure

The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of sharing personal information online.

relevant examples

Examples like the evolution of mail.ru add relevance and specificity to your argument, supporting your points well.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many artists are well supported by their governments, but some feel that this is a misuse of taxpayers’ money. Although many arts venues would have to cease operating without such funding, I feel that public healthcare is in more urgent need of the money.
6.5
band
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first sentence. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
After first imprisonment, a quantity of offenders show a tendency to recidivism and this urgent issue has sparked heated debates throughout the ruling class. In these forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss some of the main reasons and solutions to solve this problem promptly.
7.5
band
Some people argue that because the internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is a dramatic change in education brought about by the growing advancement of technology today. It has become a more contentious issue on how children should learn. Some adults believe that school should promote their skills and potential and relationships with others as they tend to rely on electric gadgets to gain much information by themselves. I generally disagree with this, for academic knowledge maintains its importance to make a better choice in the future.
6
band
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Economic progress is a priority for many governments. Meanwhile, some of the local citizens consider other kinds of progress as important as economic progress. I think that all types of progress are equal because citizen’s satisfaction doesn’t depend only on the finances of the country.
6.5
band
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
It is thought by some that the states should spend money on the art while others say it is better to use it to improve other parts in the countries. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint, the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before a conclusion is reached.

PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first sentence. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?