PERSONAL INFORMATION These days more people put their personal information, such as names, addresses and telephone numbers, online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
#information #people #names #addresses #telephone #numbers #activities #networks #purposes #development
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
share their individual data online for day-to-day activities such
as communicating or managing banking transactions. This
novelty, like all things in the world, has its own pros and cons, such
as the simplification of our lives, as well as
the possibility of data theft. This
essay examines both perspectives and presents my opinion on whether this
development is ultimately beneficial.
One of the main reasons why this
development can be seen as positive is the above-mentioned process of making our lives more simple. At the beginning of the century, there was no place for personal information
in messengers and dating apps, which made communication quite constrained, since people
were often disappointed in the appearance or material condition of their interlocutor when they met them in life. However
, in the present day, people
do not face this
problem anymore, since every desired information
is indicated in the user profile. For instance
, mail.ru has evolved from being a platform for 'just messaging' to one that also
includes 'communication and socializing'.
Another good reason is related with
banking purposesChange preposition
to
,
since putting personal Remove the comma
apply
information
allows individuals to make purchases and manage their bank account without a need to carry out lots of inconvenient bills and papers. However
, this
implementation does not only lead to a
positive consequences, as there are lots of scammers in today's digital age. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Although
sharing information
about you has its own benefits, this
very disadvantage can lead to disastrous results, such
as processing loans without your participation by thieves.
In conclusion, although
there is no doubt that an increasing number of people
share personal data online and it can outcome in setbacks, I am a firm believer that it is a positive development and it just needs a little improvement.Submitted by shermadovs on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
To enhance task response, address counterarguments or opposing views as well. While you mentioned potential disadvantages, providing a bit more depth here and addressing them with a balanced view could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words and phrases to connect your points seamlessly across paragraphs. This will ensure an even smoother flow of ideas.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the main idea of the essay, effectively setting up the reader's expectations.
logical structure
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of sharing personal information online.
relevant examples
Examples like the evolution of mail.ru add relevance and specificity to your argument, supporting your points well.