Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays it is found that
children
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are fond of using
smartphones
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and even spend their
time
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every day on them. In my point of view, spending too much
time
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on
smartphones
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has some drawbacks for
children
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as they could be influenced by bad things happening on the internet. Other than that, at a young age,
children
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should explore their interests and hobbies rather than spend
time
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looking at
smartphones
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. In that case, I am convinced that many
children
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using their
smartphones
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for hours is a negative development.
This
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essay will elaborate on the reason as follows. The greatest negative development is the uncontrolled information on the internet that can be a bad influence on
children
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. There are a bunch of wrong information spreading and offspring could believe it without any consideration. Even worse, if they get attached to some
contents
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content
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that might not be safe for
children
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,
such
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as violation videos.
This
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could lead to misbehaving
children
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in the society. Take bullying as an example, they might watch something related to bullying and start to think it is cool to do
such
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a thing, which has a huge impact on other people.
Moreover
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, spending hours every day on
smartphones
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will sacrifice their childhood, where they have to explore many activities they like, find hobbies, and learn many things.
For example
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, in the past
children
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usually spent
time
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with their friends playing around together in the field,
however
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, nowadays there are so many
children
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who spend their
time
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at home only playing on their phones. Sadly,
children
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have to sacrifice their childhood to play with friends and
this
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could lead to social anxiety as they never get to socialise with people.
To conclude
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, today the number of
children
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spending
time
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on their
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
is increasing.
This
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phenomenon could affect their lives. The significant bad impact could be more easily influenced by wrong information and sacrificing their childhood moment.
Furthermore
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, I strongly believe that
this
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is a negative development in
this
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era. To overcome
this
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problem, parents and schools have an important role in monitoring the usage of daily screen
time
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on the phone. Other than that, they can try to control what
children
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can access on the phone.
Submitted by asyifannisakh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is then elaborated on with examples or further explanation. Avoid having paragraphs that merely state a viewpoint without supporting it sufficiently.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly provided, but ensure the conclusion encapsulates all major points discussed in the body paragraphs and does not introduce new ideas or examples.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas and providing more specific examples to support your arguments. General statements could be strengthened by citing more concrete scenarios, research findings, or credible sources.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. While the essay addresses the subject of children using smartphones, it could more explicitly connect the points raised to the question of why this is happening and whether it is a positive or negative development, providing clear arguments for the stance taken.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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