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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution
The given chart illustrates Australia's
water
 usage in the year 2014
along with
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 way of
water
 designation in the main
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
.
Overall
, the diagrams demonstrate a few locations consuming a little more than the rest and where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 one sector has clearly
outweighted
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 all the other areas. The graph showcasing the two major cities Perth and Brisbane have the largest usage of
water
 , which is
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 250 and 300
kilolitre
Change to a plural noun
kilolitres
show examples
 respectively.
Whereas
, Adelaide and Sydney
comparitively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 have a moderate usage with approximately 190-225 kiloliters.
Furthermore
, Melbourne and
canberra
Change the capitalization
Canberra
show examples
 have taken up the least
water
 that year, when
assesed
Correct your spelling
assessed
 with the entire graph.
While
 observing the diagram, agriculture has distinctly occupied more than half of the chart.
Household
Add an article
The household
A household
show examples
 has secured
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in
reasource
Correct your spelling
resource
 utilization with a percentage of 9.
While
 supply, sewage, drainage and, electricity gas supply is 7% each.
Lastly
, mining and other supplies have the lowest utilization.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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