Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some say that if
people
let children decide their everyday
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
, in the future they will only think about themselves,
while
others
would argue that children should make their own
choices
.
This
essay would argue that
although
people
might be more selfish
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if individuals make their own
choices
, they will be more independent and will enjoy their lives. On the one hand,
people
will think that they are the centre of the world, so they will think that everyone should listen to them.
This
is because normally,
people
make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
in favor of themselves, and nobody
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
taught them what is correct or incorrect, so
people
will think that
everyhing
Correct your spelling
everything
they do is right.
This
will cause that when individuals start working, they will only carry out activities that benefit themselves. Recent research concluded that around 31% of Spanish
people
who grew
making
Change preposition
up making
show examples
their own
choices
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
more selfish
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not think about
others
.
However
, in my opinion, these cases are rare, and there are more advantages.
On the other hand
,
people
will not depend on
others
.
This
is because they have learnt about how to make
decisions
, and which
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
are the best, they have their own thoughts and will not be influenced by
others
.
Also
,
people
will be happier because they are doing what they like. Since they do not need to listen to
others
and do what they are told
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
instead
, they can follow their own ideas.
For instance
, a survey done by Chinese
people
concluded that individuals were
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier when they could participate in their work by giving their own ideas and making their own
decisions
. I believe, allowing
people
to make their own
decisions
can lead to a better society. In conclusion,
although
people
might be selfish when they are told to make their own
decisions
, they are
also
happier and independent, and I,
therefore
, believe
that is
better to allow children to make their own
choices
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does not follow a clear and cohesive structure. It is essential to have distinct paragraphs, each presenting a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, a minimum of two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Be mindful of the logical flow and the use of connectors to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your response must directly address all parts of the task. While you have presented your opinion, the essay lacks a balanced discussion of both views. Ensure to dedicate a full paragraph to discuss each view and provide specific examples to support them before concluding with your own opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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