Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some say that if
people
let children decide their everyday matter
, in the future they will only think about themselves, Fix the agreement mistake
matters
while
others
would argue that children should make their own choices
. This
essay would argue that although
people
might be more selfish,
if individuals make their own Remove the comma
apply
choices
, they will be more independent and will enjoy their lives.
On the one hand, people
will think that they are the centre of the world, so they will think that everyone should listen to them. This
is because normally, people
make decision
in favor of themselves, and nobody Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
had
taught them what is correct or incorrect, so Wrong verb form
has
people
will think that everyhing
they do is right. Correct your spelling
everything
This
will cause that when individuals start working, they will only carry out activities that benefit themselves. Recent research concluded that around 31% of Spanish people
who grew making
their own Change preposition
up making
choices
where
more selfishCorrect your spelling
were
,
and Remove the comma
apply
do
not think about Wrong verb form
did
others
. However
, in my opinion, these cases are rare, and there are more advantages.
On the other hand
, people
will not depend on others
. This
is because they have learnt about how to make decisions
, and which one
are the best, they have their own thoughts and will not be influenced by Correct pronoun usage
ones
others
. Also
, people
will be happier because they are doing what they like. Since they do not need to listen to others
and do what they are told for
, Change preposition
apply
instead
, they can follow their own ideas. For instance
, a survey done by Chinese people
concluded that individuals were more
happier when they could participate in their work by giving their own ideas and making their own Change the word
apply
decisions
. I believe, allowing people
to make their own decisions
can lead to a better society.
In conclusion, although
people
might be selfish when they are told to make their own decisions
, they are also
happier and independent, and I, therefore
, believe that is
better to allow children to make their own choices
.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does not follow a clear and cohesive structure. It is essential to have distinct paragraphs, each presenting a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, a minimum of two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Be mindful of the logical flow and the use of connectors to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your response must directly address all parts of the task. While you have presented your opinion, the essay lacks a balanced discussion of both views. Ensure to dedicate a full paragraph to discuss each view and provide specific examples to support them before concluding with your own opinion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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