IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.

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I agree with the opinion that
children
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's
creativity
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 is
decling
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declining
 compared to the past
due to
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 the advancement of
technology
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. 　
First,
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technology
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, especially digital devices
such
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 as smartphones and tablets, often come with a wealth of ready-made entertainment options.The abundance
ot
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of
such
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 ready-made content may reduce the need for
children
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 to use their imagination.
For example
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,you may have created your own games and stories in the past,but now you may have a stronger tendency to passively consume what is projected on the screen.
Such
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 passive consumption may hinder the development of imagination and thinking power. 　
Secondly
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, the
immidiate
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immediate
 satisfaction and solutions provided by
technology
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 can impair the patience needed to think.
Children
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 who grew up in a technologically developed environment may soon get used to getting answers and may not be able to think deeply and creatively about the problem.The process of exploration and discovery，
whch
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which
 is important for
creativity
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,is simplified by
technology
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.Another point is that
technology
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,especially social media,creates
great
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a great
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an
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apply
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environment where
children
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 feel pressured to conform to certain standards and trends.
This
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 suppresses individual
creativity
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 and prevents them from exploring unique and unconventional ideas.
Finally
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,overuse of
technology
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 tends to a decrease in physical activity,which is important for the development of
creativity
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.Activities that directly interact with the physical world,
such
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 as playing outside,stimulate imagination and
creativity
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. As you spend more time using the screen,these beneficial experiences often decrease. In conclusion,
while
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technology
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 has many advantages,there are concerns that it will reduce
children
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's
creativity
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.
ITs
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IT's
show examples
 characteristics include a change from active engagement.To passive engagement,ease of access to information,peer pressure,and a decrease in physical experience.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs are clearly demarcated with controlled paragraphing, with a central idea in each one which is developed logically and connected to the overall argument of the essay. Transition signals can be more effectively employed to guide the reader between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, develop a clear position throughout the response and avoid general statements. Provide a more detailed exploration of ideas with depth and complexity. Include a greater range of specific examples and ensure that the conclusion effectively summarises the arguments made, reflecting a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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