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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to look for these sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do you think the advantages of locating oil and gas in these places outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these places?

#demand #oil #gas #sources #energy #places
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Although
Medicine
 is a field which has a myriad of branches with a lot of fascinating and impressive ways of studying it, one of the most awe-inspiring characteristics is, without a doubt, its well-balanced relationship among natural, formal and social sciences.
This
 mixture leads to a wide spectrum of complex stumbling blocks which requires an appropriate combination of curiosity and multidisciplinarity to solve them. From a very early age,
this
 aroused my interest and prompted me to study not only the structure of the human body and physiology but
also
 the mechanisms of pathogenesis with their respective treatments. My Bachelor’s Degree (BS) in Medical Science (Medical Doctor, MD), which was studied at Universidad Militar Nueva Granada in Bogotá, Colombia, was a complete training in both clinical and
research
 fields using analytical methods
as well as
 evidence-based
medicine
 techniques. The integration of these aspects
along with
 acquiring the basic knowledge about natural sciences,
such
 as cellular biology, biophysics, biochemistry, anatomy, histology, etc, showed me how perfect the functionality and homeostasis of human beings is. Since
then
, Health Sciences became a passion for me, showing a high academic performance with award scholarships being granted
due to
 ‘The Class of Honors Qualification’, and achieving the best GPA over 52 alumni in my class graduating students. Over time and parallel to my academic duties, my career interests in the
research
 field constantly increased. In the beginning, they were focused on Stem Cells, Genetics & Genomics, and Bioethics, taking an elective course for three years related to these branches in which there were theoretical and practical immersive sessions.
Hence
, exploring deeper into the most specific literacy and
research
 done from ancient times to the present day
as well as
 learning cutting-edge techniques about cultures, analysis, and methodology,
finally
 being part of the ‘BioGenEtica
Research
 Group’ at the above-mentioned University. After that, my
research
 experience broadened to other topics linked to microbiology and parasitology, researching mainly diseases caused by helminths and protozoa that affect children in Colombia. These projects have been presented at not only national but
also
 international symposiums and conferences and published in indexed journals. Regarding my work experience, during the
last
 academic year in my BS, which is known as ‘The Internship’, the general clinical rotations were deeper in knowledge about Pediatrics, Surgery, and Gynecology and Obstetrics, and my elective program consisted of seven months related to Internal
Medicine
.
Subsequently
, after my graduation, my clinical performance was focused on the Internal
Medicine
 field mainly related to critical
care
, emergency room, and inpatient health
care
.
Additionally
, taking specific continuing education courses to learn the most innovative strategies about COVID-19 management and The Fundamental Critical
Care
 Support certified by The Society of Critical
Care
Medicine
.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay contains detailed descriptions of your background and experiences, providing a clearer thesis statement at the beginning can help to clarify the main argument or purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Though your points are well-supported with examples, make sure each paragraph clearly links back to the main point or argument you are trying to make. This will improve the overall logical structure.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that every detail you include directly supports the main argument or topic of the essay. Occasionally, some details, while interesting, may stray slightly off-topic.
language
The essay demonstrates a strong command of language with appropriate vocabulary and varied sentence structures, which contribute to a detailed and engaging narrative.
task achievement
You have successfully included specific and relevant examples that highlight your experiences and qualifications, enhancing the credibility of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the context of your background in medicine and the subsequent paragraphs provide thorough support for your career progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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