IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 help poorer
countries
Use synonyms
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it does not seem any improvement has
been resulted
Change to the active voice
resulted
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 underdevelopment nations.
thus
Linking Words
, more powerful
countries
Use synonyms
 should try other ways of assisting poorer nations.
Body paragraph 1
I would discuss the advantages and disadvantages of current political
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 of developed
countries
Use synonyms
 and argue against the policy of
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 designed only on money.
Body paragraph 2
it is
deniable
Replace the word
undeniable
show examples
 that giving
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 to weaker
countries
Use synonyms
, locals and states can protect them from so many disasters and can
temporary
Change the adjective
temporarily
show examples
 solve a few problems
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Body paragraph 3
firstly
Linking Words
, helping
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
 can manage vital requirements, and save hunger unsupported people who do not have the ability even to provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 health issues.
Body paragraph 4
Linking Words
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
show examples
 with
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 some educational issues will be solved.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 because of medical facilities and medications, so many men and women are dying in underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 and buying advanced amenities and modern drugs can save them.
thirdly
Linking Words
 with money, politicians
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poor
countries
Use synonyms
 can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better decisions with less pressure.
Body paragraph 5
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 policy has some
dismerits
Correct your spelling
demerits
. providing nations only
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
 may lead to
inactive
Add an article
an inactive
the inactive
show examples
 form of their leaders and people. in
this
Linking Words
plan
Add a comma
plan,
show examples
 they are used to provide their losses with the help of other
countries
Use synonyms
 and try less. in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 they need educational training and scientific progression to grow their
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 condition.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it is more effective for them to be trained to improve their poor situation
Correct your spelling
themselves
themselvesd
Correct your spelling
themselves
Conclusion
in conclusion, I think training poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 should be considered
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 top priority
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and the better strategy is that developed
countries
Use synonyms
 send financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 only at emergency events.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure: your essay lacks a coherent flow, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Use clear paragraphs to organize your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion: Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more clearly defined. The introduction should outline your arguments, while the conclusion should summarize them without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with adequate development: You have attempted to provide support for your points, but they remain underdeveloped. Use specific examples, reasons, and explanations to make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Provide a complete response to the task: Your essay only partially answers the question. Ensure that you fully address the prompt by providing a balanced argument and an explicit opinion.
task achievement
Express clear and comprehensive ideas: Your ideas are somewhat relevant but need to be expressed more clearly and developed more fully. Strive for clarity in your argumentation and make sure every paragraph conveys a distinct idea.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples: Your essay lacks specific examples to support your points. Include concrete examples from real-life situations or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your arguments and make them more compelling.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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