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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

90.Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some university
students
Use synonyms
 want to take additional classes,
while
Linking Words
 others would argue that it is more important to concentrate on getting good
grades
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.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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 qualifications are important, learning new
subjects
Use synonyms
 will allow individuals to find jobs more easily. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who have good qualifications can get benefits.
This
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 is because universities will prepare different types of activities, and normally there is a limited number of
people
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 who can participate, and the way they choose the participants is by the average grade that
students
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 have. So, the ones with better
grades
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 are more likely to be chosen,
while
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 those with lower
grades
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 can only participate if the activity needs more
people
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.
For example
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, in Spanish universities, the time of choosing courses and participating in Erasmus
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will depend on the qualifications that
people
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 have, so the ones with bad
grades
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 are not able to choose.
However
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, I believe that having a good grade is important, in the way that it allows teachers to know that
students
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 have understood the course, but
people
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 should learn new things that can help them to have a better future.
On the other hand
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,
companies
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 look for workers who have skills that others do not have.
This
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 is because there are many individuals who study the same career and in the same university, so the
companies
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 will rather look for those who have studied more courses and have knowledge in other areas.
Therefore
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, learning more
subjects
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 will allow
students
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 to have an advantage.
For instance
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, many brands would rather look for
people
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 that are able to speak more than two languages, since
this
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 will simplify communication with
companies
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 from other countries. I believe that learning new things can help
people
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 to be an advantage compared to others. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 having good
grades
Use synonyms
 allows
students
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 to have more benefits at university, learning more
subjects
Use synonyms
 will allow individuals to be hired by
companies
Use synonyms
 more easily, and
that is
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 why it is better to study additional
subjects
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
You have presented the introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, there seems to be an imbalance in the discussion of both views. Aim to give an equal consideration to both sides of the argument before providing your own stance to enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits an acceptable degree of logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, the ideas within the paragraphs could be better connected for improved coherence. Use a wider range of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The main points of both arguments are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from more specific examples and finer elaboration. Offer detailed illustrations and ensure they directly support the assertion you are making to make the argument more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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