90.Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some university
students
want to take additional classes, while
others would argue that it is more important to concentrate on getting good grades
. This
essay will argue that although
qualifications are important, learning new subjects
will allow individuals to find jobs more easily.
On the one hand, people
who have good qualifications can get benefits. This
is because universities will prepare different types of activities, and normally there is a limited number of people
who can participate, and the way they choose the participants is by the average grade that students
have. So, the ones with better grades
are more likely to be chosen, while
those with lower grades
can only participate if the activity needs more people
. For example
, in Spanish universities, the time of choosing courses and participating in Erasmus,
will depend on the qualifications that Remove the comma
apply
people
have, so the ones with bad grades
are not able to choose. However
, I believe that having a good grade is important, in the way that it allows teachers to know that students
have understood the course, but people
should learn new things that can help them to have a better future.
On the other hand
, companies
look for workers who have skills that others do not have. This
is because there are many individuals who study the same career and in the same university, so the companies
will rather look for those who have studied more courses and have knowledge in other areas. Therefore
, learning more subjects
will allow students
to have an advantage. For instance
, many brands would rather look for people
that are able to speak more than two languages, since this
will simplify communication with companies
from other countries. I believe that learning new things can help people
to be an advantage compared to others.
In conclusion, although
having good grades
allows students
to have more benefits at university, learning more subjects
will allow individuals to be hired by companies
more easily, and that is
why it is better to study additional subjects
.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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task achievement
You have presented the introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, there seems to be an imbalance in the discussion of both views. Aim to give an equal consideration to both sides of the argument before providing your own stance to enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits an acceptable degree of logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, the ideas within the paragraphs could be better connected for improved coherence. Use a wider range of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The main points of both arguments are somewhat supported, but the essay would benefit from more specific examples and finer elaboration. Offer detailed illustrations and ensure they directly support the assertion you are making to make the argument more persuasive.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?