Although many people value their public parks, this space could be used other purpose such as residential areas for over growing population or to develop business and boost economics. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
Green
areas
consider
important by Wrong verb form
are considered
residences
of cities. Some Replace the word
residents
people
believe that we can increase Correct article usage
the economic
economic
by building houses and business centres in Replace the word
economy
the current
Change to a genitive case
the current park's location
the location of the current park
parks
location.
There would be some benefit in destroying parks
and green areas
in the city. Fristly
, building business centres, shops, groceries, Correct your spelling
Firstly
resturatnts
, Correct your spelling
restaurants
and
etc requires work force and Correct word choice
apply
people
can get employed. Furthermore
, after Fix the agreement mistake
construction
constructions
these workers can find Add a comma
constructions,
job
in Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
very
Rephrase
apply
that
building which they helped to build. Correct determiner usage
the
Secondly
, building flats and skycrapers
can help to reduce the number of Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
people
who do not have a house. Finally
, the city can benefit from increase
in the number of Add an article
an increase
the increase
emplyment
and housing and it would be Correct your spelling
employment
Correct article usage
an increas
increas
in the amount of tax they will Correct your spelling
increase
increased
recieve
.
Correct your spelling
receive
On the other hand
, parks
and green areas
are very important for citizens. These green environments for many people
,
Remove the comma
apply
included
me, are a place to Wrong verb form
including
relaxe
and Correct your spelling
relax
takes
our mind off everything. Many parents take their children to Correct subject-verb agreement
take
parks
to play with other kids and make friendshipp
with them. Destroying these Correct your spelling
friends
areas
will lead to isolation
of Add an article
the isolation
people
and bring sadness. These green areas
are Correct article usage
the inhabitats
inhabitats
of many creatures which would Correct your spelling
inhabitants
habitats
be die
if we destroy their habitat.
In conclusion, It is true that we can have more houses and business centres for Change the verb form
die
people
if we eliminate parks
and green areas
, but it can lead to more problems for citizens and creatures that live in those places.Submitted by looordomid on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear and logical structure to your essay. Your introduction should clearly address the question and set the tone for the discussion. Each main body paragraph should have a clear central idea, followed by supporting arguments or examples. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and restate your position. Currently, your essay lacks clarity and organization which negatively impacts its coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearly presenting your introduction and conclusion. These paragraphs should frame your essay and indicate your overall position on the topic. The introduction briefly introduces the topic and your stance, while the conclusion neatly wraps up the arguments made, reinforcing your position. Both need to be more precise and better structured in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear and relevant supporting examples. Your argument is stronger when supported by specific illustrations or data. In your essay, the reader struggles to find concrete examples substantiating your points. Enhance this by citing studies, statistics, or real-life scenarios that align with your statements.
task achievement
Ensure you are completely addressing the task. You should discuss both sides of the argument comprehensively and provide a clear opinion on the extent to which you agree or disagree. While you have attempted this, the treatment of the topic is somewhat superficial and needs more depth and reasoned argument. A more thorough response will demonstrate a better understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas in your response. Each paragraph should convey a distinct and well-articulated point. In your essay, some ideas are unclear or underdeveloped. Improve this aspect by providing richer explanations and making your position apparent throughout the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points. While you have included a few examples, they are rather generic and do not sufficiently illustrate the arguments. Enhance the essay by including specific, detailed examples that underscore your main points and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.