IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
The line graph provides information on
a twelve-month mean temperatures
Correct the article-noun agreement
twelve-month mean temperatures
a twelve-month mean temperature
show examples
 in London, New
York
, and
Sydney
,
while
 the table shows the annual hours of daylight in the same three cities.
Overall
, London and New
York
 had similar increasing trends until July and
subsequently
 dropped afterwards,
while
Sydney
 recorded the opposite trend of declining
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first seven months before climbing up until the end of the year.
Firstly
, the starting point of average temperatures in
Sydney
 was the highest among other towns at barely above 25,
while
 the European city in comparison was below 10 and the United States' capital city was under 5. The mean measurements in the first town mentioned kept falling to 15
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July.
In contrast
, London and New
York
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 gradually rising
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first semester until almost reaching 25 and 30 for both cities respectively. As
Sydney
's statistic climbed back to 25
at the end
 of the year, the two other cities dropped to their initial points. Moving on to the total duration of sunshine in a year, New
York
 had the highest figure at 2.535
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by
Sydney
 with a mere 62.
Lastly
, the place with the least sunshine was the
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
United
Kingdoms'
Correct your spelling
Kingdom's
show examples
 capital city with only approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
Sydney
's number.
Submitted by dandelionandburdock on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words york, sydney with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: