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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
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The line graph provides information on
a twelve-month mean temperatures
Correct the article-noun agreement
twelve-month mean temperatures
a twelve-month mean temperature
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 in London, New
York
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the annual hours of daylight in the same three cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, London and New
York
Use synonyms
 had similar increasing trends until July and
subsequently
Linking Words
 dropped afterwards,
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 recorded the opposite trend of declining
on
Change preposition
in
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 the first seven months before climbing up until the end of the year.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the starting point of average temperatures in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was the highest among other towns at barely above 25,
while
Linking Words
 the European city in comparison was below 10 and the United States' capital city was under 5. The mean measurements in the first town mentioned kept falling to 15
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 July.
In contrast
Linking Words
, London and New
York
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
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 gradually rising
on
Change preposition
in
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 the first semester until almost reaching 25 and 30 for both cities respectively. As
Sydney
Use synonyms
's statistic climbed back to 25
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year, the two other cities dropped to their initial points. Moving on to the total duration of sunshine in a year, New
York
Use synonyms
 had the highest figure at 2.535
and
Correct word choice
apply
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followed by
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with a mere 62.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the place with the least sunshine was the
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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United
Kingdoms'
Correct your spelling
Kingdom's
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 capital city with only approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of
Sydney
Use synonyms
's number.
Submitted by dandelionandburdock on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words york, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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