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Band 2.5

How tomato ketchup is made during the period of time

#tomato #ketchup #period #time
The diagram explains the process of making tomato
ketchup
. There are a total of fifteen stages in the process, beginning with picking
tomatoes
 and culminating in the service of tomato
ketchup
 in fast food restaurants.
The first step is
 that
tomatoes
 are picked and put in baskets.
Secondly
, they are sorted out
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 good and bad groups.
Thirdly
, they are transported to
ketchup
Correct article usage
a ketchup
show examples
 factory. Once
tomatoes
 are removed from
its stalk
Fix the agreement mistake
their stalks
show examples
, seeds and skin, they are all put into
container
Add an article
the container
a container
show examples
 so that they are crushed without any problem.
After
this
 stage is completed, different ingredients
such
 as sugar, vinegar and salt are added in order to make it taste better.
Then
 it is boiled and
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 for two hours so that amount of time helps for cooling.
The next step is
 where crushed
tomatoes
 are poured into
ketchup
 jars and
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
.
Subsequently
, they are checked by quality control to ensure jars are fully filled and put
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
altogether
Rephrase
together
show examples
 into
box
Add an article
the box
a box
show examples
 in order to be delivered
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various supermarkets. Ultimately, they are served with
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and fries so that clients can enjoy their junk foods whilst including extra
flavor
Change the spelling
flavour
show examples
 with tomato
ketchup
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a functional overview of the ketchup production process but lacks a clear introductory statement and a definitive conclusion. To improve your score, consider adding an introductory sentence that clearly states the purpose of the essay and a concluding sentence that summarizes the overall process.
logical structure
While there is some logical structure in the details of the ketchup making process, transitions between stages could be improved. Use more cohesive devices to show sequence (e.g., 'following this,' 'subsequently,' 'finally') and make the stages flow better. This will create a more coherent narrative of the process.
supported main points
The main points of how ketchup is produced are outlined appropriately; however, the essay would benefit from more specific examples or additional details to support the main points. Including information on the types of equipment used or specific quality control measures can enhance the response.
clear comprehensive ideas
While the essay does address the prompt, the response could be strengthened by offering clearer and more comprehensive ideas at each stage of the process. Try to give more detailed information in each step to paint a more vivid picture for the reader.
relevant specific examples
To fully achieve the task, consider providing a more comprehensive response that includes relevant examples or facts about ketchup production, such as the proportions of ingredients or the temperatures at different stages of boiling. This can increase the informative nature of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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