Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

One of the discussed
issues
nowadays is people's health. Some believe that it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
be better if governments required more
sports
facilities
. Meanwhile, some do not think it is enough to solve
this
problem by buildings.
This
essay will analyse both views and express my opinion. On the one hand, to keep fit and be healthier individuals need to do
sports
. In that case,
sports
facilities
are the best option. Mostly who have
weak
Add an article
a weak
show examples
body
, they are hardly treated by illnesses.
Fix the agreement mistake
Exercise
show examples
Exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
Exercise
show examples
will
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
your
body
and organism stronger. It will help to avoid a lot of
issues
that cause a weak
body
.
For example
, to recover from a cold, you need to sweat. Most doctors
advicing
Correct your spelling
advise
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
exercises or going to
sports
buildings to be cured.
On the other hand
, not only
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
exercises lead to
issues
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
also
we have other problems like air
polutions
Correct your spelling
pollution
pollutions
from vehicles and factories. One of the most unhealthy
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
for
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
Add a missing verb
is cause
show examples
cause
Replace the word
caused
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
two things.
This
gas not only
cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
show examples
our society,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
cover
Correct subject-verb agreement
covers
show examples
all planet and
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
the wrost
show examples
wrost
Correct your spelling
worst
impact on nature. If
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
will
take
Verb problem
pay
show examples
attention only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
sports
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
, not
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
another aspects
Replace the adjective
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
, it will not matter how
more
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
individuals will train their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, they can not avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illnesses that cause
polutions
Correct your spelling
pollution
pollutions
solutions
.
To sum up
, all mentioned , I come to
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
show examples
that
sports
facilities
are needed and they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
help people keep
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
, but we
also
must not forget about another problem.
Therefore
, currently, we must solve
issues
bigger than the fewer
sports
facilities
.
Such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set out the argument, the body should support this with coherent points, and the conclusion should summarize your discussion and opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical connections between ideas. Transitional phrases and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help with the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points more thoroughly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details to build a compelling argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both viewpoints as well as give your own opinion clearly and extensively.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to provide a more in-depth discussion of the topic. Use more complex sentence structures and precise vocabulary to explain your points clearly.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to strengthen your argument. These examples should be detailed and directly related to the topic being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative care
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • health initiatives
  • health education campaigns
  • social interaction
  • mental wellbeing
  • motivation
  • accessible venues
  • active lifestyle
  • quality healthcare
  • community hubs
  • multipronged approach
What to do next:
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