IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social as well as practical problems.

#country #language
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When an individual emigrates to a
country
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 where the
language
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 is different from his own, it can cause problems of adaptation and socialization during the period of learning the new vocabulary and culture. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why I fully agree with
this
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 statement. Not knowing the dialect that allows you to communicate with the residents impacts negatively
on
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apply
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the
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integration with them and
causing
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causes
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 misunderstandings. Causing that
finally
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 they
looks
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look
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 for other emigrants who speak the same
language
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 and are culturally similar. Human beings cannot live in solitude and need to socialize with others.
However
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, it does not avoid social problems
,
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 but creates a parallel world. In my experience of emigrating to France,
while
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 trying to practice the
language
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 with them, I was frustrated because they did not make an effort to understand me but simply rejected me.
This
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 caused me to look for Spaniards to share my time with.
Although
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 it was partially a solution, it did cause my adaptation to the French
language
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 to drag on.
On the other hand
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, learning a new terminology is not only learning new words or sounds but
also
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a
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new customs. To integrate into their world is to think like them, how they express themselves,
their
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and their
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 social norms. When you move to a
country
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 totally opposite to yours,
as
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apply
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for instance
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, Spaniard dialogues with a stranger for 10 minutes and they feel sympathy, it is right to invite a new meeting.
However
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, in the case of cold countries, it is normatively incorrect. In conclusion, unfamiliarity can delay socialization with the inhabitants of that new
country
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, and problems or confusion
due to
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 cultural unfamiliarity.
However
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, it is not impossible to solve them. With motivation, perseverance, patience, tolerance and positivity towards a new
country
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 that welcomes you, you can feel integrated with the members of
this
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 new society, creating lasting bonds.
Submitted by ximmaph on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, it is important that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Make sure your paragraphs follow a clear order and each new idea flows naturally from the previous one. Use linking words and phrases appropriately, and remember that each paragraph should develop one main idea.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that your response thoroughly addresses all parts of the prompt. While you did provide relevant examples, they could be further expanded to convey your ideas more comprehensively. Be sure to develop a clear position throughout your response and back up your points with detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction, you could improve by giving a brief statement of what will be discussed in the essay without immediately taking a side. The conclusion could be enhanced by succinctly summarizing the main points made in the body of the text, and restating your position - remember, the conclusion is your final opportunity to leave an impression on the reader.
task achievement
Ensure each main point in your argument is well supported by specific examples or evidence. Your personal example is engaging, but consider giving a broader range of examples to strengthen your argument. Having a mix of personal and general examples would make your essay more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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