IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tendency of news reporters in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #reporters #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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I
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Because throughout
Correct word choice
Throughout
show examples
 the years,
media
Use synonyms
 tend to focus on posting negative
news
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 positive topics,
such
Linking Words
 as the war, terror attack, economic crisis,
political
Correct word choice
and political
show examples
 issues rather than positive
news
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why, individuals and associations are getting negative as time goes by. I will explain why having only negative
new
Correct your spelling
news
show examples
 is bad for the world.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
show examples
 reasons are about mental health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when it comes to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 only some
news
Use synonyms
 related to problems in the world, many
people
Use synonyms
 cannot deal with it and overreact about it.
For example
Linking Words
, some psychologists say, that modern
people
Use synonyms
 tend to suffer from negative sides and they give up their life easily. Because of the
news
Use synonyms
 polarization,
such
Linking Words
 as the war or economic crisis.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey, the number of depression patients increased significantly between 2010 and 2022.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if the public
are having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 only
news
Use synonyms
 of emergency situations in the world, the public can be panicking. No one
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to keep living in balance, they always can be overestimating
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
For example
Linking Words
, in
corona
Correct your spelling
the coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic period, all
news
Use synonyms
 and
media
Use synonyms
 were just posting emergencies from the coronavirus and many
people
Use synonyms
 ran to the supermarket and everyone
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 bulk buying. So, the government could not control the public and
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 economy well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, usually,
news
Use synonyms
 and
media
Use synonyms
 want to produce more provocative issues because they know well about human nature. Bad
news
Use synonyms
 has
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 potential to spread out quickly. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say, that main
media
Use synonyms
 companies want to maintain their number of subscription customers and make a lot of money by spreading bad
news
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that the
media
Use synonyms
 focus on problems and emergencies is truly harmful to individuals and associations.
Submitted by ryujaekwang0928 on

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introduction
You should provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and clearly states your position on the issue.
conclusion
Your conclusion should summarise the main points of the essay and restate your position, providing a sense of closure.
main points
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is expanded with adequate supporting information or examples.
cohesion
Make use of cohesive devices to link ideas, paragraphs, and sentences more effectively to aid in the reader's understanding.
task response
Your response must directly address all parts of the task and present a well-developed position with detailed and relevant supporting examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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