New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?
Due to
advancements in Linking Words
Use synonyms
technology
kids have changed the way they spend their leisure Add a comma
technology,
time
.In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because Use synonyms
children
should spend less Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
technology
. I will delve deep and discuss both viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, new devices have brought a paradigm shift in the technological era.To explain, Linking Words
children
are learning new Use synonyms
skills
online and utilising their Use synonyms
time
efficiently with the help of the new Use synonyms
technology
.Use synonyms
Moreover
, there are games online which help to increase cognitive Linking Words
skills
and problem-solving Use synonyms
skills
.There are lots of educational courses offered nowadays on which people can enrol.Use synonyms
For example
, There was a study performed in India in 2022 ,which showed that 60% of kids are enrolled in a new learning skill.Linking Words
Thus
, Linking Words
children
should spend more Use synonyms
time
in Use synonyms
playground
.
Add an article
the playground
On the contrary
, there are a lot of downsides to the advancement of Linking Words
technology
in the lives of a child.Use synonyms
In other words
,Linking Words
children
are isolating themselves as they are finding Use synonyms
technology
addictive,Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
children
are spending most of their Use synonyms
time
in their room away from everyone.Use synonyms
In addition
, it is aggravating violent actions which is affecting the minds of a child.Linking Words
For instance
, an online game called Shark was reported to increase violence in school-going kids as the characters of that game were aggressive and wild.
Linking Words
To conclude
having mulled over Linking Words
aforementioned
paragraph, Add an article
an aforementioned
the aforementioned
it is clear that
Linking Words
children
can use their leisure Use synonyms
time
to be more productive and develop Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Although you presented a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, your essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. The paragraphs should seamlessly flow from one to the next with appropriate connective words and topic sentences that clearly establish the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
While you've included an introduction and a conclusion, these need to be much stronger. The introduction should more clearly introduce the topic and outline your response to the question, while the conclusion should summarise your main points and reiterate your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
You've made some attempt to support your main points with examples and explanations, but these need to be further developed. It's crucial to delve deeper into each point with more specific examples and clearer explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You've partially addressed the task, but your response lacks a full development of your arguments. The essay should contain a clear position throughout the response with consistent ideas that are relevant to the prompt. You should work on presenting comprehensive reasons and consequences associated with the prompt, potentially exploring both advantages and disadvantages more thoroughly.
task achievement
The ideas presented need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Aim to develop each point thoroughly, ensuring that they are relevant to the question. Provide ample support, such as specific examples and detailed explanation, to make your arguments convincing.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples, but they are too general and lack specificity. Work on incorporating specific, detailed examples that directly support your arguments and enhance the reader's understanding of the points you are making.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...