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Band 5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter • describe the problem with the equipment • explain how this problem is affecting your work • say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #piece #equipment #job #shop #company
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to explain the issues associated with the laptop, which I purchased a couple of months back from your shop “Digital care”. Let me elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 problems in detail. They started getting heat up quickly,
with in
Correct your spelling
within
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 two hours’ time, and
further
Add a comma
further,
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 it is automatically turning off
,
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apply
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 when I use
this
 continuously the system.
In addition
 to
this
, the system often
get
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gets
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hang
Wrong verb form
hung
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,
where
Correct word choice
and
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 I
then
Add a missing verb
am then
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 forced to restart
this
 unit. Since I am working at home, I need to spend more time continuously with
laptop
Correct pronoun usage
my laptop
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 to achieve my daily
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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.
Nevertheless
,
due to
 the issues with
Correct article usage
the system
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system
Add a comma
system,
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 I am unable to finish assigned duties on time.
Also
,
this
 is not only affecting my productivity but
also
 impacting
mental
Correct pronoun usage
my mental
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 health.
Thus
, request you to arrange
a
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for a
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technician to look
on
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into
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this
 problem and resolve it immediately or replace
this
 with a new one. I look forward to a prompt reply and action on
this
 matter. Yours faithfully, Unnikrishnan P
Submitted by unnikrishnanpp153 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single, clear idea. The second paragraph is slightly lacking focus, with multiple issues discussed in a somewhat disorganized manner.
task achievement
Maintain a formal and consistent tone throughout the letter. Avoid contractions and informal language to better suit the context.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and transition words to clearly indicate the relationship between ideas, contributing to better logical progression throughout your letter.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt. While you have identified your concerns and the effect on your work, expand on what specific actions you would like the company to take, other than arranging a technician.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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