IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter • describe the problem with the equipment • explain how this problem is affecting your work • say what you want the shop or company to do

#work #home #piece #equipment #job #shop #company
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
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 letter to explain the issues associated with the laptop, which I purchased a couple of months back from your shop “Digital care”. Let me elaborate
the
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on the
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 problems in detail. They started getting heat up quickly,
with in
Correct your spelling
within
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 two hours’ time, and
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further
Add a comma
further,
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 it is automatically turning off
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when I use
this
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 continuously the system.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the system often
get
Change the verb form
gets
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hang
Wrong verb form
hung
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,
where
Correct word choice
and
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 I
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then
Add a missing verb
am then
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 forced to restart
this
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 unit. Since I am working at home, I need to spend more time continuously with
laptop
Correct pronoun usage
my laptop
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 to achieve my daily
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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.
Nevertheless
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,
due to
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 the issues with
Correct article usage
the system
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system
Add a comma
system,
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 I am unable to finish assigned duties on time.
Also
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,
this
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 is not only affecting my productivity but
also
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 impacting
mental
Correct pronoun usage
my mental
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 health.
Thus
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, request you to arrange
a
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for a
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technician to look
on
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into
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this
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 problem and resolve it immediately or replace
this
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 with a new one. I look forward to a prompt reply and action on
this
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 matter. Yours faithfully, Unnikrishnan P
Submitted by unnikrishnanpp153 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single, clear idea. The second paragraph is slightly lacking focus, with multiple issues discussed in a somewhat disorganized manner.
task achievement
Maintain a formal and consistent tone throughout the letter. Avoid contractions and informal language to better suit the context.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and transition words to clearly indicate the relationship between ideas, contributing to better logical progression throughout your letter.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt. While you have identified your concerns and the effect on your work, expand on what specific actions you would like the company to take, other than arranging a technician.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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