In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
hold an important
role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
child
growth and development.
However
, there are differences between the
role
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roles
show examples
of a
mother
and a
father
in some countries.
For example
, in
Asia
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Asia,
show examples
most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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mother
has the duty to take
care
of their children and provide education at home, whether academically or
moral
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morally
show examples
. Meanwhile, the
father
has to work and earn money in order to keep the family settled. I believe these differences exist by reason of our nature as
a
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apply
show examples
human
being
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beings
show examples
, either as a
woman
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
a man are dissimilar.
Woman
biologically has the ability to have a
child
and give birth, so there is a strong bond between the
mother
and their infant. Most
woman
has nurturing personality
especially
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, especially
show examples
with their own
child
. With that being said,
woman
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a woman
show examples
naturally has the capability to take
care
of their
child
in terms
to build
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of building
show examples
their character, personality, intelligence, and how should they live in
the
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apply
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society.
On the other hand
,
father
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the father
show examples
as a man has the capability to provide for their family. The
child
's need is not limited by being taken
care
and
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of and
show examples
educated by the
mother
.
Instead
, they
also
need to have a good supply of
nutritions
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nutrition
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and
went
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go
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into
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to
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a decent educational institution in order to have
well
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good
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health and better knowledge. To provide them, it might cost quite a lot and the
role
of the
father
to provide is needed. A
father
also
has a
role
to be a representative and be present for their
child
. It will give them comfort and
secured
Replace the word
security
show examples
.
Although
the
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
of a
mother
and a
father
are different, the two complement each other in terms of raising a
child
. They need to work together as a parent and make sure the
child
is well provided with love and
care
. I believe in the future, parental roles might develop for the better. It can be achieved by counting on the technologies we
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
these days. We can utilise them to be part of modern parenting.
Nevertheless
, their
role
is equitable as a tool to help parenting be more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
. The parent themself better be present for their
child
as it is a part of growing as a family
also
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the subsequent sentences expand on that idea with explanations, examples, or details. Your essay sometimes veers off into general statements without fully developing the connection to the main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and vary it to create a more complex and formal style, appropriate for an IELTS essay. Use linking words to better connect paragraphs and sentences.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task more fully. The question asks both about why differences exist and how roles may develop in the future. You have touched on these, but the ideas could be more developed and supported with detailed examples.
Task Achievement
Be more specific and provide concrete examples when discussing why roles differ and also when predicting future developments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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