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Band 6.5

Some people think that to produce a happier society we must ensure that there is only a small difference in earnings between rich and poor. To what extend do you agree?

#people #society #difference #earnings
In our world, nowadays, it is evident that governments and entities all over the world treat the rich class better than the poor
one
 in everything, especially in earnings. In
this
 essay, I will be discussing my point of view on
this
 matter. On the
one
 hand, to produce a great society, institutions should not differentiate between high and low, or name and fame, they must pay the poor employee the same as the rich receive, maybe the person you mistreat will benefit you more than the other that you treat kindly.
For example
, when you respect and give the poor hard worker what he deserves, you will get the same result at work.
Also
, you will give him and his family the chance to enhance their lifestyles and develop as productive members of society.
Therefore
, be good to them and appreciate what they are doing.
On the other hand
,
although
 the government needs to be fair with all types of classes, on
this
 planet where we live, you can not eliminate racism.
For instance
, when someone from a rich place comes to you, at the same time, a poor
one
 comes
also
, even if their capabilities are the same, you will choose the rich
one
, because it serves your interests.
This
 is our problem in most countries. It creates hatred and inequality between the people. Crucial steps of employment selection based on qualification, experience, degree, and efficient skills have to be present. In conclusion, incomes must be paid to the highest people as same as the poorest ones, if they are in the same efficiency.
Consequently
, you will have a better society.
Thus
, be smart and a useful person.
Submitted by shireen.asadi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use cohesive devices effectively to connect them.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a way that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, providing a clear position throughout.
task achievement
Expand and support your ideas with specific examples and details rather than general statements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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