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Band 5.5

Some believe that exercise is important for health while others think that balanced diet is more important. Discuss both points and give your opinion.

#believe #exercise #health #diet #points
It is a common belief that
exercise
 is key to health but some people think that a balanced
diet
 is more important.
Exercise
 is a necessary factor for a healthy
body
as well as
 a healthy mind.
Exercise
 stimulates blood circulation in the
body
, which prevents the human
body
 from life-threatening diseases
such
 as arteriosclerosis, heart attack, brain
hemorrhage
Change the spelling
haemorrhage
show examples
, etc. Research shows that seven minutes of
exercise
 daily is a must for the
body
. The sweat glands produce sweat that helps maintain
body
 temperature and keeps skin fresh.
Exercise
also
 relaxes the mind and produces positive changes in attitude.
Similarly
, a healthy and balanced
diet
 is
also
 crucial to health and the
body
. An imbalanced
diet
 causes many serious threats to the human
body
.
For example
, if a person does not eat a healthy
diet
, his growth hampers. Junk foods i.e. pizza, burgers, and cold drinks have changed our style of living. These are too sugary and cause diabetes in humans. Coca-cola with a very low pH is a source of peptic ulcer in many developed and developing countries including Pakistan. A balanced
diet
, containing all essential nutrients, is beneficial for the proper growth of the
body
 and mind. It prevents humans from weakness, lethargy, and disorders. In my opinion, both
exercise
 and a healthy
diet
 are equally important for maintaining proper health. If you consume a
diet
 and do not
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
, it
also
 harms you in the long run.
Therefore
, a proper
diet
as well as
exercise
 daily is essential. Both
diet
 and
exercise
 keep us healthy, fit, and positive. Brainpower
also
 enhances what is important for living a balanced life.
Submitted by durefishan4455 on

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logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, but the ideas could have been organized more effectively. Try to clearly divide the essay into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each main idea should start a new paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
An introduction and conclusion are present, but these need to be more clearly delineated and defined. The introduction should outline the topics that will be discussed and the conclusion should summarise the points made without presenting new information.
supported main points
You've made some good points to support your main ideas, but the arguments would be stronger with a more varied range of support, like facts, statistics, or real-life examples.
complete response
You addressed the task, but the response could have been more fully developed. Make sure to discuss both views equally before giving your own opinion and link this opinion back to the question prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear, but they could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on expanding your explanations and connecting your points back to the thesis statement in a way that thoroughly demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Make sure to include relevant examples to support each point you're making. While you have provided some examples, adding more specific and detailed instances will better illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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