The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the percentages of attending the theatre with a range of age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
in Australia from 1978 to 2008. It is clear from the graph, the
group
of 14 – 24
years
old visited the cinema more frequently than the rest and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top 92% in 1978 .
However
, the
over
Correct word choice
overall
show examples
trend of the
group
was to remain steadily around 90%. Contrastingly, there was an upward movement in the oldest
group
from 30% to 50% between 1988 and 1998. In the
mean time
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with the younger groups, the over 50
years
old
group
is
Verb problem
had
show examples
less movie attendance in the whole period. In 1998, the middle age groups started at the same point
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
30% and 50% after that they increased slowly until 2003.
However
the 50+
years
old kept rising and got a peak at 52 % in 2008. Meanwhile, the 25-34
years
old
group
and the 35-49
years
old
group
began decreasing gradually from 2003 and down to 68% in 2008.
Submitted by 1244355479 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Linking words: Add more linking words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words group, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: