IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

#technology #advances #space #option #holidaymakers #future #tourism
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Making the impossible possible with dramatic
growth
 in science and research paving the way to create innovation in
technology
. As discover new places, new countries are quite comfortable with
this
 generation of technological development.
This
 can lead to travelling to outer
space
 as an option in the near future. Tourism has a wide range of
growth
 in today's market. It
also
 made
travel
 easier and convenient for a lot of people.
Space
 tourism can be an option in
travel
 as per upgrading features in
technology
. I find it an interesting concept because it has its own advantages like each individual can internet to study and learn about many new things on
space
travel
. We can understand the ideology about minerals present in outer
space
 and other living creatures like aliens.
For example
, if we were lucky enough to find any new minerals or other materials can create a new opening for scientific research to help mankind. Even it can lead to the
growth
 of many
space
 station workers and authorities. In
parllel
Correct your spelling
parallel
, we have some risk elements too on
space
 tourism. The major thought for common people is about survival parameters and cost efficiency.
This
 leads that only rich people who have the authority can claim to
travel
.
For example
, if we talk about survival factors, There should be proper guidance and safety measures for travelling individuals. Even a small lack of
technology
 can lead to miserable circumstances. The
growth
 of
technology
 can make us fly to outer
space
.
This
 can be a pathway for many upcoming developments in many fields of study and there should be proper safety measures to carry out before
experimentingwith
Correct your spelling
experimenting with
anew
Correct your spelling
a new
show examples
 concept.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear stance and addresses the topic, the structure could be more logically organised. Aim for a more coherent flow between ideas, paragraphs, and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarises the main points made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that is developed and supported with specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task, mentioning both advantages and disadvantages of space tourism. However, make sure to develop each point more thoroughly. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to convey ideas.
task achievement
The ideas are reasonably clear and related to the subject, but they could be expressed more comprehensively with details and elaboration.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Try to provide concrete scenarios or cite real-life examples, data, or studies to strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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