IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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In our world where diseases and physical or mental troubles exist
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,
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access to health
services
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 is essential. Some
people
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 rather use private
companies
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 for their medical appointments and treatment
whereas
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 most of the ordinary population use government health
services
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. In spite of all the advantages of having private
healthcare
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, it will be seen in the
further
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 paragraphs that it has flaws and limits.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that private
healthcare
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 provides
people
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 with faster
services
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 than others. Indeed, as with many other kinds of payable
services
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, being a privileged person of a private business entitles oneself to get priorities over
people
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 who don’t pay any extra fees for the same service.
For example
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,
people
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 who do have private
healthcare
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 don’t need to wait weeks or months to get an appointment with a specialist like a dermatologist or surgeon.
Whereas
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, in the public system it would take many months to get the same kind of appointment.
However
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, the cost of these private
companies
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 tends to show some limits and flaws. In fact, more and more
people
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 are questioning the true goal of private
healthcare
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 and whether it cares about their patients. A lot of
people
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 are already convinced that doctors and all kinds of specialists from private systems try to make the patients pay more by asking them to come back for useless and fake reasons.
For instance
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, it has been shown that a chiropractor from a private company can ask their patients three or four times more to come back for another appointment than an ordinary chiropractor.
Consequently
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,
people
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 start thinking that private
companies
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 only care about money and shouldn’t be trusted.
To conclude
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, despite of many different advantages of private health
companies
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, a lot of
people
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 believe that there are still more disadvantages and that doctors and specialists who work for them shouldn’t be trusted.

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task response
Provide more balanced arguments by also emphasizing some of the benefits of private healthcare, rather than predominantly focusing on the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea.
supported main points
Try to elaborate further on your examples to make the arguments more compelling and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitions and linking phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and provides relevant points and examples to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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