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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #child #children #numbers
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Poornes has been
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major problem in developing countries and unfortunately, many
kids
Use synonyms
 in
poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 still
Add a missing verb
have difficult
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difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
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to pay
Change the verb form
paying
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 for
the
Change the word
their
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education
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some people believe that free
education
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at
Change preposition
for at
show examples
 least six years for every
Use synonyms
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
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 are
necessary
Change the adjective
necessarily
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 needed
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that all
children
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 can learn how to read,
wirite
Correct your spelling
write
, and count numbers. I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion, and in
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will elaborate my reasons.
To begin
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 with,
education
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 is one of the
key
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keys
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of advance
Replace the word
to the advancement
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 of the country.
This
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 could be one of the reasons why elementary
school
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, which is the first
six
Replace the word
sixth
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 stage of learning is essential and should be paid
in
Change preposition
for at
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 zero cost. After 6 years, all the
children
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 will obtain knowledge, skills, and understanding that
Add a missing verb
are necessarily
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necessarily
Change the word
necessary
show examples
 to success in
this
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 life, especially in the future
ahead
Rephrase
apply
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.
Moreover
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, there are probably some scholarships that they will get to continue their
education
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, and can be the other way for them to become a successor of their
nation
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.
For example
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, The Ministry of
Education
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 Republic
Indonesia
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of Indonesia
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 has a policy to make all the public schools in Jakarta, which is the capital city of Indonesia,
to be
Verb problem
apply
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free.
As a result
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, 70% of
kids
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 who graduate from public
school
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are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 good
tracker
Fix the agreement mistake
trackers
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, some of them
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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next
Correct article usage
the next
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 journey to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university, and the rest of them are accepted
in
Change preposition
by
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 companies to work.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 idea of free
education
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 can be the motivation for other
children
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 as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by The
Nation
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 of
Children
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 Indonesia said that 50% of
childs
Correct your spelling
children
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 who
previously
Add a missing verb
were previously
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 not enrolled in
school
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 reveal the reason why they want to study in the
education
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 institution is
because
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that
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 they look at their friend who went to
school
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everyday
Replace the word
every day
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, it motivates them and they curious about the feeling to become a student.
This
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 is totally a good movement, if there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of
children
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want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
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 to
school
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, the
hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
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 rate of the
nation
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 to get better in development is high.
To sum up
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, not paying for the tuition fees
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the first six years of learning for
children
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 is
abseloutely
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 the best solution for
poor
Add an article
a poor
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 country
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
kids
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 are the next generation and
also
Linking Words
 the decider of the
nation
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's luck in the future.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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coherence cohesion
It's important to ensure that each paragraph logically progresses from the previous one. The introduction of your essay needs a clearer thesis statement, outlining your position. Avoid abrupt transitions between points; use cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task, including the extent to which you agree or disagree. You should develop your ideas fully and extend your supporting arguments with specific examples. The conclusion should clearly summarize your viewpoint and not introduce new ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • investment
  • employment opportunities
  • break the cycle of poverty
  • informed decisions
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • access to technology
  • stable governance
  • challenges
  • cultural barriers
  • free education
What to do next:
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