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Band 4.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #child #children #numbers
Poornes has been
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major problem in developing countries and unfortunately, many
kids
 in
poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 still
Add a missing verb
have difficult
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difficult
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difficulty
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to pay
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paying
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 for
the
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their
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education
.
However
, some people believe that free
education
at
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for at
show examples
 least six years for every
kids
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kid
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 are
necessary
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necessarily
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 needed
,
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apply
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 so that all
children
 can learn how to read,
wirite
Correct your spelling
write
, and count numbers. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion, and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will elaborate my reasons.
To begin
 with,
education
 is one of the
key
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keys
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of advance
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to the advancement
show examples
 of the country.
This
 could be one of the reasons why elementary
school
, which is the first
six
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sixth
show examples
 stage of learning is essential and should be paid
in
Change preposition
for at
show examples
 zero cost. After 6 years, all the
children
 will obtain knowledge, skills, and understanding that
Add a missing verb
are necessarily
show examples
necessarily
Change the word
necessary
show examples
 to success in
this
 life, especially in the future
ahead
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, there are probably some scholarships that they will get to continue their
education
, and can be the other way for them to become a successor of their
nation
.
For example
, The Ministry of
Education
 Republic
Indonesia
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of Indonesia
show examples
 has a policy to make all the public schools in Jakarta, which is the capital city of Indonesia,
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
free.
As a result
, 70% of
kids
 who graduate from public
school
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 good
tracker
Fix the agreement mistake
trackers
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, some of them
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 journey to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university, and the rest of them are accepted
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 companies to work.
On the other hand
,
this
 idea of free
education
 can be the motivation for other
children
 as well.
For instance
, a survey conducted by The
Nation
 of
Children
 Indonesia said that 50% of
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 who
previously
Add a missing verb
were previously
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 not enrolled in
school
 reveal the reason why they want to study in the
education
 institution is
because
Replace the word
that
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 they look at their friend who went to
school
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, it motivates them and they curious about the feeling to become a student.
This
 is totally a good movement, if there are
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of
children
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
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 to
school
, the
hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
show examples
 rate of the
nation
 to get better in development is high.
To sum up
, not paying for the tuition fees
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the first six years of learning for
children
 is
abseloutely
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 the best solution for
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
 country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
kids
 are the next generation and
also
 the decider of the
nation
's luck in the future.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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coherence cohesion
It's important to ensure that each paragraph logically progresses from the previous one. The introduction of your essay needs a clearer thesis statement, outlining your position. Avoid abrupt transitions between points; use cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task, including the extent to which you agree or disagree. You should develop your ideas fully and extend your supporting arguments with specific examples. The conclusion should clearly summarize your viewpoint and not introduce new ideas.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • investment
  • employment opportunities
  • break the cycle of poverty
  • informed decisions
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • access to technology
  • stable governance
  • challenges
  • cultural barriers
  • free education
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