There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
the
society is creating a lot of stress on young people to get high scores in their academic subjects. Correct article usage
apply
Also
, it is being proposed to remove non-academic subjects like physical education
and cookery from the syllabus so that children can focus only on their academic work. I disagree with the opinion to remove extracurricular activities and I think that these additional skills will help the students to develop as a well-rounded person equipped to face this
world.
Firstly
, we need to understand the benefits of physical education
. It helps the kids to be physically stronger which means mentally as well. There are studies shows
that physical activity helps our body release 'dopamine' which is called a happiness chemical in our brain. If a kid is allowed to play for at least 30 minutes a day, they will feel happier and be more receptive towards academics.
Wrong verb form
showing
Secondly
, I think cookery is a basic skillset every person must have to survive in this
fast-paced world. Recently, I am
Verb problem
have
seeing
most of the students and their working parents do not have enough time to prepare their own food. They are all depending on restaurants and processed foods which has a negative impact on their bodies. If someone can learn a minimum level of cooking Wrong verb form
seen
then
it can help them on a daily basis when they move out of their schools.
As I explained above, this
generation should change their views about the education
system. It should never be about achieving higher marks rather than
it should be about developing a complete person who is ready to take on their future needs. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
, physical education
and cookery should be included in the curriculum considering their benefits.Submitted by msrinivas7866 on
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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to further justify your points. For instance, citing particular studies or statistics could bolster your argument about the benefits of physical education.
complete response
Aim to elaborate further on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive response. For instance, the introduction could benefit from a bit more context or background to help set the stage for your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve the clarity of certain expressions for better comprehension. For example, the phrase "there are studies shows that" should be corrected to "studies show that."
logical structure
The essay has a clear and well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant explanations about the benefits of physical education and cookery.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay by reiterating the key points and final stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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