IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do benefits of this outweigh the drawbackss?

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Nowadays, studying at colleges and universities arranged far away from growing up places has become a trend among many
recruitment
Change to a plural noun
recruitments

The singular countable noun recruitment follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay will argue that the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 overtake the advantages. The following paragraph will first demonstrate that by leaving the native place pupils learn to be accountable for their lives and that it brings personal problems
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as lack of sphere time, working and studying at the same time, which results in bad quality of discipline. The main reason to go off from their hometown is the freedom they couldn't get by living with their parents. That's to say that they will be able to do whatever they can, whenever they want, as long as it's legal.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, hanging out with friends until night and partying won't be banned. All the choices will be decided by themselves and the consequences will be reflected in their future. Those opposed to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 say it causes the loss of high marks and quality of discipline.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most

The word Mostly doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions

It seems that admission may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 tend to waste money so to have enough them they work after lessons. To illustrate,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 recent articles,
two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds

It appears that you are missing a hyphen with the compound number two thirds. Consider adding a hyphen.

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 of
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates

It seems that undergraduate may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 have part-time jobs.Every year, about 15 per cent of freshmen are expelled and go home.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 shows that without help from the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'

It appears that the word parents should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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 side, it's extremely hard to adapt
an
Change preposition
to an

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 unfamiliar city and get a higher education or college degree. On balance, the fact that studying abroad
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their city leads to losing concentration and focus from education clearly doesn't outweigh the flawed argument that many students prefer to study far away from their hometown.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively address the topic and summarize the main points.
logical structure
Enhance the coherence by ensuring a logical structure throughout the essay, with clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs and a conclusion.
supported main points
Support main points with specific examples and clear explanations to improve the quality of arguments and make them more persuasive.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, present a complete response with a clear viewpoint, and provide a balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that each paragraph maintains focus and develops one main idea effectively.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, but ensure they directly contribute to addressing the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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